OPEN VS. CLOSED

Thanks to all of you who answered my nosey question! I promised my answer, so here goes. I hope I don't ramble on...
Our first adoption 18 yrs ago was private. We had no intentions of telling her she was adopted.(she had been with us since she was 5 months old) But because it took 8 yrs the state of Ca. said a child over such & such age had to be aware they were being adopted. We had to tell her. She was 8. We were livid. Livid that we had no choice in how we raised our daughter in that aspect. But what we did have control over is what she knew of the situation she was taken out of. I can tell you, it was bad. We decided her records would be sealed. Not the kind of sealed David's is going to be. But the sealed & burned of the 1950's type. Never to be opened type. I know my daughter & her personality and it really is better for her not to know the whole thing. She knows 90% now. The other 10% no one should ever know.
This is the explanation of David's adoption when I asked if we got a choice.........
David's adoption is considered a closed adoption because his records are sealed at the State office of Adoptions after the finalization. BUT....he can request the information on his birth parents to be able to search them out once he is an adult. The birth parents can contact the State office of Adoptions and say they had a son who was adopted through child services in whatever year and was born in whatever year and then the parents sign a consent to be contacted and if you guys and David want to get the parents' information at that time then the State office will give that to you and David. They will not give the parents the information about where he was adopted or by who.
I guess that is the excepted form of closed.
Will we tell David he is adopted? I don't know.
I know this is a very, very touchy subject. And even though we've had 18 yrs to iron out the wrinkles in the adoption tell or don't tell/why not tell. It's still hard to know what is best. I can tell you, I think my daughter would have been alot better emotionally not to have known. I'm sure any psychologist would argue that point into the ground, but I know her.
Again, thanks for telling me your side of things.
We are looking forward to Tuesday and it's sure not because it's tax day. Although from now on April 15th will be known as David's Day. I'll try to post pictures, if I can remember the camera!

OH YES, 'NOTHER QUESTION

bE HONEST. Is the header photo too much? ARe those eyes too brown? hair too cute, cheeks too chubby? Be honest! now i'm going to sleep in the recliner.
good night.

I'VE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS

IT HAS TO BE A FULL MOON!
I get a call at 7:00pm. They have taken in a sib group of 3. They have placed the oldest but have no where for an 18 month old & 3 yr old. I tell them, call me if NO ONE. (as in no one on the face of this planet) can take the 18 month old. ahhhh, at 9:00 my husband says, well I guess they found a place. Let's go to bed. (he gets up at 3:30am) I stupidly said OK. It's been 2 hours. Then the phone rings.........
"uh D, you know the 18 month old we called you on"
"yea".
"Does it matter he's not 18 months old?"
"Well, how old is he?"
"ummm, he's 6 weeks old"
"Wow, that's a big difference, you couldn't find anybody else?"
"no. The SW that called you, is at the hospital now,doing an intake on a newborn."
OH, well then....I wasn't planning on sleeping for a few days. Even if I do have to work."
"They other SW, said you would bring him to the house since it's so late."
"NO, we can't do that. We have the other 2 at the police station. Can you please come down here? It's getting late."
"REALLY? I HADN'T NOTICED"
We get dressed, go to the police station and there is mom in all her drugged out glory, with 3 kids. Telling the oldest, it's going to be OK, I'll get you tomorrow. ( I know she's on her way to jail, after this exchange happens) WHY? do they do this to their kids? All this "stuff" has happend with SW & cops and now you lie to the kid to boot? And she was old enough to understand. Now they may be all together in one house, but God only knows how long that will take. another of the older kid's concerns, fueled by mom I might add. Saying I don't know how long it will be before you see your baby brother!
I think they had 5 intakes tonight. Where are they all going to go?
We got home about 10:30pm, after mom staggers though telling me how to take care of the baby. Cute little fella, brown hair, chubby cheeks and NO immunizations!! On what she said was a 5 week preemie! un- believe-able. bUT, SHE wants to make sure I know how to take care of the baby. Sad or irritating? I don't know, I've not figured it out after all these years and it happens every time too.
The first SW to call swore, it would only be temporary. (INSERT MANIC LAUGHTER) She said, I could say move him now and it would be SO! Whatever. They do want to keep sib groups together, so since I WILL NOT TAKE the other 2, they may move him soon.
Well it's 12:30am now. He's slept for 1 whole hour and is waking up. I must remember in my no sleep stupor, mommy rule #1. Sleep when they sleep!
More details tomorrow, or I guess make that later today.......... I am too much of a sap or sucker or insert word here!

A SEASONED VIEW ON ADOPTION........

http://oldmixtapes.blogspot.com/2008/03/good-peoples-bad-reasons-for-adopting.html

He pretty much nails it. All romance & show gone.

Just a thought....

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
-Rita Laws PhD

GOODBYE

Today was the day.
The day we sent the 6 yr old boy off to live with his new foster to adopt home. I didn't say much about him, for many reasons. Mostly because I couldn't put into words how screwed up the system made this case and as of this morning's court hearing, STILL messing it up. This boy, had a disrupted adoption 9 months ago, was still having BP visits. Then the adoptive parents got fed up with the system, the Birth family & his behavior and literally took him to DFACS and left him there. Since he was placed with us,(9 months ago) I have begged, pleaded & beat my head against a wall to get him therapy. After 3 yrs in the system, he was living with us, (foster parents), having bi-monthly visits with birth parents he never even remembered living with AND started visiting with a new potential adoptive family! Now tell me, how confusing is that? Need I tell you he had some serious behavior problems, the least of which were temper tantrums when told, NO, or punished (going to bed early) for bad behavior @ home, daycare & school.
I would like to say it was a tearful goodbye. Hated to see him go, what will I do without him goodbye, but I can't.
He went to a wonderful Christian home. It was so perfect for him it was as tho God picked it for him. :) The parents seemed wonderful & capable, loving, giving people. AS a matter of fact, I wish they were my parents!
*long sigh*
I feel so sorry for those people. The honeymoon will be short lived. I told the mother ALL his behaviors. Think the worst actions you can, and this child has them. of course throw in the old failure to attach for good measure. the mother thought it was the greatest thing on earth when after the 2nd visit he was calling them mom & dad and saying I love you. I don't know about you, but that screams & then echos FAILURE TO ATTACH.
I've learned alot from this boy. When they called to place him temporarily with us, I thought how bad can a 5 yr old be? (insert manic laughter here) I learned.....we will not take anything other than what we said 5 yrs ago. birth-3 yrs. I learned.....5 yr olds have problems I've never heard of. I learned....failure to attach kids couldn't care less how mad you get if they pick the molding off ALL the corners they are standing in. I learned...5 yr olds in foster care KNOW there's not a thing you can do to them for any misbehavior. I learned...public school teachers blame you when they kid acts like a child with no proper upbringing. I learned...why I didn't send my kids to public schools. I also learned that love alone does not cure or fix or what ever you want to call it, a broken child. Who "broke" this child, by the way? The birth family, the system, the first adoptive forever parents who took him back to dfacs? Everything combined? I've learned..I've learned, there's alot of stuff I don't know, or know how to fix.
I'm not sad to see him go. Callous as that may seem. But he was not my child. I only protected him til his parents come to get him. I believe these are the parents God intended him to have.
I've learned...I may not be able to do this much longer and have anything left to give my own family. This thing, this system, this seeing what humans are capable of inflicting on each other, up close, may be too much. It drains you emotionally& physically.
I just don't know. All I can do now is pray for this boy and the man he will become and his new family.
*deep heavy sigh*

I HAVE A QUESTION, YOU CAN BE HONEST.......

I have been reading several "older adoption" or just plain adoption sites. Several times this month I have read articles or opinions on open VS closed/sealed adoptions.
Some of the articles & opinions are very strong. I know most any issue regarding adoption bring out very strong feelings & opinions. Opinions are like belly buttons, we all have one. Yours may be different than mine, so it doesn't make it right or wrong.
I've never delved too deep into why someone would choose open vs closed adoption. I guess I always thought it was a matter of how you wanted to raise your family. I KNOW there is the issue of family health history. I KNoW this. As a nurse & an adoptive mother I KNOW this facet of the issue. I've been the one to ask for detailed history of family health, and got" I'm adopted, I don't know" & I've been the one to have to say," I only know the maternal side, she's adopted".
What is your opinion on Open VS Closed or sealed and WHY??
You tell me, then I'll tell you why I have one of both!

NEVER SAY CHEESE......

NEVER TELL THIS BOY TO SAY CHEEEEEESSE, UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!
I don't think he could have smiled any harder if he tried reallllllllllll hard.
He didn't want to put his Easter finery on. Then he didn't want to take it off.
While he was in Sunday school, he walked around with his shirt untucked making sure everyone saw his new dinosaur belt and way too cool tattoo from McD's of the skull & cross bones. I felt real bad about the tattoo, until I saw 50 little girls & 1000 little boys with the same one!
Hope your Easter was as great as ours.

HAPPY EASTER

The corner stone of my faith. and my favorite verse is : He is not HERE, He has risen! I serve a risen Savior. His birth while glorious, and fulfilled the promised Messiah. If that baby boy never went to the cross, would have called 10,000 angels, would have said "Father, these horrible sinning, disgusting people aren't worth it". Who could have blamed Him. Not only did he bear our transgressions, die on a cross, he did not deserve. OUR SAVIOR rose from the grave, triumphant over sin & death, for us. He is Alive. We serve a risen Savior. The Son of the living God! Who loved me that much. Some times I scarcely can wrap my mind around it.

THE CROC* HATER

Let me explain before all you croc* lovin' people get all upset.

I come from the croc' point of view via my job. I knew crocs, when crocs* weren't cool. I know them as the ugly,clunky brown or grey hunks of super plastic that they were. Surgeons & scrub nurses wore them into surgery, well, so, ......well I'll just say it. ( don't be eating anything right now) so that blood and "other" things could be washed off your feet easy, cleanly & with no residue....so to speak. So you see, I associate crocs* with a whole "nother world. other than fashion.

So when they went "main stream" kinda like scrubs, I thought, oh gross, here we go again. If they only knew what "hospital" people thought every time they saw a 3 yr old with crocs* on. I always wanted to say," was it brain surgery or just a hip replacement?" I know, I'm mean like that.

Well, we went to the land of crazy, expensive, excessive mouse. and lo, and behold they had mouse crocs* complete with little mouse head cut outs instead of boring little holes and all. EVEN those little plastic "thingies" were all of the land of mouse.

Then The Boy, saw a pair, so little & cute & blue & expensive. and he CRIED. He loves shoes, and I don't mean loves, I mean BIG PINK FLUFFY HEART LUVVVs shoes, like his mommy, kind of loves shoes! So I had to shell out the money, but stopped at 1 mouse thingie,since they alone were 4.95 & I'm cheap like that. Well The Boy got his shoes, and by the way SLEEPS in them too. Well mommy saw a cute PINK pair and just for fun tried them on, since I never have even put a foot in them.

OHHHHH. MY. GOODNESS. They were so comfy. So I shelled out the money (and that hurt, let me tell you, it did, cause I'm cheap and all) but I only got one mouse thingie :)

So this is my confession. And I will never talk of it again.

I still think the same thing every time I see someone in crocs* HEY, YOU TAKE THOSE THINGS OFF AFTER SURGERY, YOU'LL TRACK GUTS EVERYWHERE! **CRAZY**

BEAUTIFUL QUILT GIVEAWAY

GO VISIT http://oldredbarnco.blogspot.com She is giving away a beautiful handmand quilt.

You will not be disappointed. and you'll find a cool new bloggy place to visit too!

BITS & PIECES OF RANDOM THOUGHTS

It all feels so surreal. David's adoption. He's lived with us since he was 7 months old & now he is 27 months old. So he has always been ours. A piece of paper really isn't going to make any difference, in a heart & head sence anyway. In all things practical it means "they" can't tell me the judge didn't sign off on him going to a family reunion out of state, or you were 2 weeks late getting his check up, can you explain that? And of course his name will change for all things "paper worky". The doctor, daycare, ect and of course the adventure in getting a new SS # will be interesting. We were told our state lags a little behind in getting out those new birth certificates...oh by about 12-14 months! So hopefully the final adoption decree will work.
On another note, the 6 yr old we have, has finally been matched to an adoptive home. We met them this passed weekend, they seem to be wonderful people and a great match for him.
He wanted to go home with them right then and there. He's been with us 8 months, ain't bonding issues wonderful! They do indeed have their work cut out for them on that front.
The poor baby girl (15 months) just sits and waits for something to happen. No case is being worked, no family members are stepping up. I wonder how long it will take to TPR? She's been here 8 mo also.
Sometimes I hate this system & I think it needs to be torn down to the ground and redone. But redone how? I have no idea. I just know if nobody wants or is trying to get a child "out" then that child should be adopted ASAP! I know there are so many people out there waiting to adopt, and just as many kids, babies even, waiting to go to a home that wants them more than anything. And that very thought drives me crazy some days.
We were NEVER in this to adopt. But love happens. I just can't imagine beginning or extending your family thru this system, and the waiting and hoping and the dealing with SW that has to go on. I know how it has slapped us around emotionally, physically and every other ally. My heart goes out to all my bloggy friends who are dealing with this. I can say we will not do the adoption thing again. Mostly because of age. But I am having a hard time deciding if what we do is worth it to keep fostering. When I see what has happened or is happening with our current fost*er kids, (by the system) I just don't know. Am I making a difference or driving my self into the ground for a system that doesn't care?
If ;you are adopting thru the system, we you do it again? or if you are foster parents, how do you deal with the crazy stuff?

IT'S A DATE!

FINALLY!
The Attorney called today. Our final adoption hearing is set for April 15! ...If the finger print cards come back in time. I just have to remember....they haven't had to reschedule one yet......since it started in January.
I think I see a light at the end of that tunnel.

NOT FUN THINGS...

Coming home from vacation & getting a stomach virus in the same week! A NOT fun thing to do.
There was so much I wanted to blog about. I wanted to tell you about going to sign what I call the "first step" papers for David. Meaning in our state, the child no longer gets reimbursements, daycare or medical coverage. They are yours..BUT, they still come for visits, you still have to have court permission to take them out of the state, and they have the right to say"NOT yours" any time they say. During this signing the very nice adoption SW, was giving us his "life history" and having us sign papers saying we were going to adopt him, her supervisor had to be present I use "present" very loosely here. She had her chin in her hand, elbow propped up, looking blankly at the wall the whole time. About 20 minutes into the whole thing, I guess she got bored, got up, said congratulations and walked out. The girl who came in to notarize the papers showed more warmth than she did. Just weird.
Then that life history I told you about. It came from ME! They employ a service that calls foster parents to get an idea what the child is like, personality, likes, dislikes, problems ect, to give to prospective adoptive parents. It just so happens in this case the one giving to info, happens to be the one who turns out to adopt him. The reason I have to be concerned is.....hardly any of it is correct! They did the interview over the phone when he was about 16 months old. In the history it said he was saying 3-4 word sentences. HA! and a lot of other stuff, I know they put in to make it seem like he was more on target developmentally. I know better. What I worry about now that I've seen one of these. Do people who are looking to adopt and who rely on these things to give an accurate picture of the children they are adopting, getting what they read about? Has anyone else seen this problem?
And now, for some good news. We went in to file the final adoption paper work and now all we are waiting on is.........TO BE FINGER PRINTED AGAIN.......YES, our state has a new law we didn't know about. ANY ADOPTIVE PARENTS HAVE TO BE FINGER PRINTED between the time the final adoption paperwork is filed and the final court date. Did you get that.....between the time it's filed and the time of final adoption hearing. Our state gives 45 days between the two. It was taking up to 5 months to get finger prints back when the 18 yr old had to be finger printed in October! BUT the atty said he hasn't had to refile one yet.....since January. Comforting. By the way, the court does not care if you are foster parents and have been finger printed more than a prisoner at Sing Sing, you have to do it again, in the time frame above. How much more difficult could they make things?
Am I complaining too much?
Ok, I'm done now. I'm going to try and get some pictures from vacation up this weekend.

NEVER MIND!

welllll now, don't I feel silly.
"They" call with an emergency! Help, help, please help. Only for a few hours, so and so was left at school and the foster parents went away for the weekend (respite care to pick up from school) I don't know what we're going to do. He rode the bus home, he's home alone, he lives in your neighborhood, pleasepleaseRunGetHimNowOrHeWillDie! I say OK, but you know I just got back from vacation a few hours ago, and I have 3 children here. (Iwanted to say,) what do you reckon I should do with them, leave them home alone ages 1,2 & 6, and run pick up your 15 yr old who will die in 15 minutes without supervision? I didn't ask, because I was afraid they would say,"uh, yes." But, I said,"Give me 10 minutes to get the kids loaded up, and I'll go pick him up. I'll keep him here til someone from respite care comes to pick him up." (please bear in mind he lives around the corner) By the time I get there, the respite worker has realized the mistake and picked him up.(I didn't know this at the time) I sit, I wait for 30 minutes thinking, he's not off the bus yet, not coming to the door because he doesn't know me from Adam, ect, ect. I go back home, unpack all the cranky babies from sitting in the car for 30 minutes, get them settled down. I call the worker who called me to see what has happened. Again, how silly can I be? She's gone home for the day! I'm worried what might have happened, this was a life and death emergency after all. So, silly me, I thought for sure someone would call me back to say, Don't worry, All is fixed, Thank YOU for jumping thru hoops for us. NO. No one called back AT ALL. Finally about 8:00pm, I had worked myself into a tizzy & called his foster parents to see if the mess had worked it's self out, or if he was sitting all alone in a dark house too afraid to come out. They said, "Oh, yes, the respite worker called to say they picked him up at 3:30 at the house." That was 15 minutes BEFORE the worker called to ask/demand I drop whatever I was doing and go pick him up. and 5 minutes before she walked out the door to go home. You know, sometimes a phone call to say, sorry to bother you, it's taken care of. Thanks tho. It's not like they don't have my phone number!
Why do I do this again?

WE'RE BACK!!!

I say that like it's a good thing.....well I guess it is, if I don't miss the 85 degree weather much.
I don't miss the crowds, & what I call hunting & foraging for food in that place! When you find a decent place to eat in Orlando, (outside the parks) you have to wait 2 hours, then the service is kinda ifie.
The boy held up well, considering he's only 2 and his routine was blown to smithereens. Getting in bed at 10:00 every night makes for a cranky boy...and mommy.
We ate at one of our favorite places, 'Ohana's at the Polynesian. I was so disappointed! I made reservations 2 months ago, plus it's gone up to about 30.00 per person! You expect pretty good food, and the very least decent service, being a Disney resort. We had neither. This was our 4th time eating there and it's never been like this. The waiter brought David some ice cream for dessert, this was a nice gesture on his part, since we didn't order it. I said, "thank you, I hope I can get him to eat it, he's picky." He said,"Whatever, I just thought he'd like it. He doesn't have to eat it." I thought that rather rude. This will probably be our last time there.
I thought I had picked an "unbusy" time to go to Orlando. I guess NO such time exists! How naive I am. We went to a petting farm we had seen advertised, because David loves farm animals. We thought this little out of the way place would be empty! NO! We were one of 100 park weary parents of bored toddlers, shelling out 20.00 a piece to see cows and chickens. (I'm going to rent the farm down the road and making a fortune!) We only went to Animal Kingdom, I knew David would not "get" the other parks. He fell asleep in the LION KING SHOW. How he could sleep thru that is beyond me. I swear the sound was at the level of a jet plane taking off in your living room. He woke up as the last words were being sung. He smiled at the elephants and the giraffes on the safari. We couldn't see the lions (his favorite) The only think that got his attention was a stray wild duck that flew into a pond we were walking by... and the fake elephants outside RAinForest cafe that were shooting water through their trunks at each other.
No, I don't think it was a waste of time and money. (Well a little on the money side)But we had a good time and the weather was very nice. Big difference in 55 degrees and 85 degrees. And it was just meant to be a get away to kinda re-energize. I wouldn't take a 2 yr old there thinking they would enjoy it or remember it.
oops.....foster care emergency......gotta cut it short for now. more later.

CRAZY MOUSE

I will be away for a few days. I know that will kill you, since I post so often.
We are on our way to the land of manically expensive Mouse. Plus it's 85 degrees there.
When I get back, I hope to have some cute, cute pictures to show off too!
SO...nobody do anything while I'm gone. I hate missing good posts!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS......

I don't DO meme's. but my friend Becky over at
http://pithmarrowandcoffeespoons.blogspot.com
Taged me for this:

Here are the rules:
Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.Post the rules on your blog.Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog.Tag 7 people and link to them.Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.Seven Random or Weird Facts About Me:
1- I married a Marine at the age of 16 and traveled the world
2- I lived in Okinawa, Japan for 3 years. & I love all things Japanese. food, culture, people, all of it.
3- My oldest daughter went to Japanese schools and spoke only Japanese
4- I would live on Okinawa NOW if there were any way possible
5- I have 3 daughters all born in different states, each representing a Marine Corps base!
6- I want to live in a log cabin in the woods & live a self sustaining life style
7- I am a nurse & when I look into an otoscope (ear thingie to see if there is an ear infection) when I see ear wax in the ear, it triggers a huge gag reflex (in me, not the pt) & always brings me to the brink of puking!
Now I bet Becky is sorry she did this to me!!
Now I tag everyone who reads this sad, sad post!
Let me know if you play along, I want to see your humiliation too!

and A CUTE PICTURE BECAUSE I CAN

The first picture is from our brief splat of snow a couple of weeks ago. It's a view looking down on David in his "bear hat". And of course the only things he like form McD's is their straws, which he plays with.

AND THE WINNER IS..........

Sorry it took so long to announce the winner. Things have been hectic here.
But STACEY is the winner. Drawn by our handy dandy number selectometer one million, or better known as David pulling a # out of a backyardigans bowl.
Stacey, I can't find an email address or blog for you. So if you will comment and leave your blog or email address. I will contact you for your shipping address to get your things out to you.
Thanks everyone for all your suggestions. I have already or will try everyone of them. I am desperate!
This was fun. Maybe we can play again next quarter when Rocks in my Dryer does this again!

Bloggy Giveaways Carnival: Winter '08 Edition

I luvvvv ROCKS IN MY DRYER.
She is holding the net wide give away for 08. and I want to play along.
I will be giving away a grand grab bag of useful household and office must haves. 50.00 value.
The catch: Tell me what I can do to make the pickest toddler on the planet EAT! He turns his nose up at all meat, refuses PB&J (unamerican) AND MC D's happy meal (gasp, what's a mama to do?) he will only eat HOMEMADE MAC & CHEESE and spaghetti.and only when he feels like it and that's not often. And yes, I have tryed letting him go hungry. He doesn't care if he eats or not.
Contest ends 1/31/08
I need your comments!

THEN AND NOW

The first one was when he first came to us at about 7 months, the last one at 25 months. He was such a sweet little baby. Where does the time go?

MONKEY LOVE

Here's a little surprise for my friend Pewee. She has the most amazing animals she crochets. When I saw the sock monkey she made, I knew David must have it to go with his "monkey coat" as he calls it. The rest of us probably calls it a bath robe. If you've never been to her blog, she funny, talented and waiting on her very own mini-meeks! Lucky kids. She's at http://meekthejerksandme.blogspot.com/

IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME...

DAVID ISAAC ALAN ****

I know, I know, he's the cutest thing you've ever seen! The biggest brown eyes and most gorgeous head of brown hair you've ever set eyes on, and don't even get me started on those cheeks. When he came to us at 7 months old, he was nothing but fat cheeks and a head full of brown hair! You couldn't help but pinch those cheeks 153 times a day! . The judge went on and on about what a cute boy he is. How is looked just like a little man in his suit. When he smiles he has two rows of the most perfect white teeth you've ever seen. Leading us to predict we have on our hands either a weather man or a televangelist.

How, you may be asking did my husband come to name our boy this name. He was given free reign to name the boy, since I named my girls.

David - because he is beloved, and we pray like his name sake he will be a man after God's own heart.

Issac- read the story of Abraham, (and how OLD he was when God gave him Isaac) My husband has a sense of humor.

Alan- I insisted he should have my husband's middle name, it is his only son after all.

I just wanted to make introductions tonight since I've promised for so long. I know I hate waiting, when I know a good post is coming up!

Maybe tomorrow I will get on my soap box regarding "life stories/histories and the lies contained therein! But we will savor this major coming out for tonight. Rest assured more photos will come ad nausea!

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers. I feel them as I sit here. With more peace in my heart than I have in 6 months. I wish I lived next door to each and everyone of you, so we could be BFF's and help carry each others loads.

Thank you my friends.

CRAZY WOMAN VENTING

I know this is going to sound crazy. But I can't help it. It's how I feel.
We have waited for this adoption for so long. First, it doesn't seem real, but surreal.
Second, I'm wondering if this is what God wants. I know, a little late to worry about that now. What am I going to do with a 2 yr old? I'm going to have to quite work and I've never stayed home before, so I don't know what I'm going to do with myself or him for that matter. I can never seem to get anything done because he alternates between dragging me around the house and wanting me right there with him. How am I going to structure our days?
Is he going to be the kid with the old mama and daddy when he gets in school. Will we be able to keep up with all the things kids do? Will he resent us for keeping him and not letting him go to a younger couple?
Our life and lifestyle as humble as it is, is about to change forever on Friday. I don't know that I'm ready for it or good enough to be his mama. Did I give the best years of my life to my 3 older kids? with anything left for him?
I know your thinking, idiot, you should have thought of that months ago. and I did. But sometimes LOVE gets in the way of common sense. Then the practical part of living takes over your brain and you start to doubt and wonder.
I feel like a heartless moron because I know my friends out there in blog land have waited and dreamed, planned & PRAYED for what we are about to do. Here I sit with all my doubts and second guessing. I know you want to slap me and say STUPID! and I deserve it, I know.
Please, I ask for your prayers leading up to Friday, for peace, a plan for staying at home with him and this boy's future. He deserves only our very best.
I promise there will be pictures galore on here, so sweet your teeth will hurt come Friday or Sat. at the latest.
Thank you my friends for listening to me vent.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE FANCY IN HOME THEATERS...

WELL WE HAVE a drive-in theater in our very home! The 1 yr old had a fever yesterday, so I kept The Boy home from daycare along with the BabyGirl. The Boy was driving around when the particular show came on, so he parked his car right in front of the TV for 30 minutes and when this show went off, he just drove off in his fancy new car.

What more could you ask for when your 2?

DO YOU HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN?

Can you define "OWN"?
I (we) HAVE never had this problem before.
Maybe you have. I've read Min's account and others. But never thought it would happen to me, for some reason.
Maybe because my children are older, look like us, or the moon & stars were just right. I don't know.
I have a new coworker. As introduction (via the person training her) She was told I was a foster parent. "oh, how nice" she says. I smile. Work goes on.
This was a 2 or so weeks ago. In the mean time she's heard me talk about my girls, my grand babies, family in general. Today something was said about me being out of work for The Boys "signing". So we were talking about adoption, and what hoops must be jumped thru, hand stands done, ect. I mentioned that, even though his adoption had taken for what seemed like forever, at least it had not been like, ill-tempered-teenaged girl's adoption. 18 years ago. AND THEN SHE SAID. "Do you have any children of your own?"
I know if I could have seen my face. It would have been one of those, well, I, uhhh, mouth drops open, faces.
She's heard me talk about my 25 yr old daughter, and my 2 more than beautiful grand babies, my typical middle child 21 yr old, and the afore mentioned ill-tempered 18 yr old. And I might add the adorable antics of The Boy.
WHAT?!
This person is not a twenty something with nothing rattling around up stairs, or even a forty something.
What I would like to know makes any of them "my own"? Because I got fat & had hours of terrible labor? NO, I can assure you this does not make them my own. It makes me want to smack them when they talk back to me when they're 13!
(for the record 2 are home made & 2 are store bought, yes, I said store bought)
No, REALLY, what makes a child your own?
We did not make ill-tempered girl's adoption a secret nor did we wear it like a badge. We are mommy,daddy, big daughter, middle daughter, youngest daughter and now baby boy. We are your typical all american family. I do what I think any mother does for her children, feed, clothe,shelter, love, yell at & in teen age years make life miserable.
So what do I need to do to make them my own? After 25 years of being a mother I'm starting to doubt my ability to own a child.
What do you do?

AND GOD CAME DOWN FOR A LITTLE CHAT......

I am beside myself. I couldn't wait to tell you!
I received an email on Friday from the SW. Yes! an email of all things. Telling us that we would come in for the FIRST of the TWO adoption signings. Our state is different than the last state we adopted in I suppose. However circumstances were different 18 years ago too. and it was a private adoption. Maybe that is the difference.
anyway...... She emailed to say, we had a court hearing with the judge to see WHY nothing had been done on the adoption in 7 months since TPR and so miracle of all miracles the SW supervisor had our package ready to go and could we please come in and sign the papers after the court hearing. I'm sure it's no coinsidence it's on the same day. They can get up and say,"your honor we are signing the papers right after this hearing," thus saving them from some serious butt chewing. BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING, I WILL TAKE IT HOW I CAN GET IT!
Now many of you may already know, but this just means we are partially his guardians, but at this time they will also do the paper work for his name change. ( I know sore issue with some, but my baby, my rules) This will knock you for a loop, but our state also allows a change in what state he was born in to match where we live. Without benefit of medical ins,reimbursements, & child care pmt. (But HEY, that's OK) Now after our "signing" on the 25th, we have to find an adoption atty. and he has to do his magic (for a small fee of course) do the paper work, what's left, I do not know. and file it with the court and have it put on the court docket. and as some of you know, that standing in front of the judge takes exactly 5 minutes!
We waited 8 yrs with last one, went thru hades and back in that time, 3 states, 4 lawyers, and countless sleepless nights, and ALOT OF $. and when we finally flew from one side of the U.S to the other, and stood in front of him and we were out before we could take it all in. We felt ... well jipt. At that point I expected, the key to several cities, a band, banners, confetti and a small medal and maybe even a parade.
I just wanted to let you know we see our light at the end of this tunnel, and our boy will be our boy on paper soon. So on the 25th I expect I can post that big ole picture of him and brand spanking new name, it's been his name here for many months, so he would be used to it, he was never called by his "birth name' anyway, but a nickname picked up when we got him at 7 months.
I'm sure I've rambled and confused you enough. I just can't believe it's coming to an end slowly but surely now.
Look for PICTURES AND UPDATE ON THE 25TH!

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

......long silence......
hmmmmmmmm
I know what all of you are thinking, and if it's what I think your thinking, you haven't been dealing with "the system" long enough or you've been watching too much Life Time over the holidays.
YOU think on Christmas eve a SW knocked on our door and said, "OH, D, I've waited all day for the supervisor to finish your case review and sign it and I just could NOT leave until I brought you the final adoption papers. I know you've waited 18 needless months for this, and I wasn't going to go home until this boy had PARENTS FOR CHRISTMAS! Here, here it is. Sign these papers and your adoption is all done!
HAHAHAHA,HEHEHEHE, you poor naive people. NO!!!!! (As we all know, or will know soon enough all "social agencies" are closed working 4 days before & 4 days after all major holidays. Closed 2 working days before & 2 days after for all minor holidays (like boxing day in Canada & sushi day in Japan) Do not make the mistake of thinking anything happens between November 1st & Feb. 1st.
Anyway, I digress, back to my miracle.
Our Christmas miracle every year .... so far. Is getting the Christmas decoration back up the match stick size drop down stairs to the attic. Where Barbie & Ken would break a rung if not careful. Pushing 100 lb plastic containers BACK up those "stairs" with out the help of gravity we had letting them tumble helter skelter down said stairs 3 weeks before.
We call it a miracle.
When the afore mentioned happens with a SW. We will call it, "God coming down and having a little heart to heart talk with a SW and her agreeing something needs to be done".

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE THIS MAN AN AWARD!

ROLAND MARTIN IS OFFICIALLY MY HERO for the next 6 next months. AND he's on CNN no less. Can you believe it? Some one had the guts to stand up and SAY something....on TV...ON CNN.
(CNN) -- This whole push to remove Christ from the Christmas season has gotten so ridiculous that it's pathetic.
Because of all the politically correct idiots, we are being encouraged to stop saying "Merry Christmas" for the more palatable "Happy Holidays." What the heck are "Seasons Greetings"? Can someone tell me what season we are greeting folks about? A Christmas tree? Oh, no! It's now a holiday tree. Any Christmas song that even remotely mentions Christ or has a religious undertone is being axed for being overtly religious. And I'm sorry, forget X-M-A-S. Malcolm X? Yes. X replacing Christ? No.
Don't get me wrong; I'm very respectful of other religions. I don't want anyone to be afraid of discussing the Jewish faith when we address Hanukkah. And we shouldn't dismiss Muslims when the annual pilgrimage to Mecca is held during December. In fact, Americans are so ignorant of other faiths that we can all learn from one another.
But this seeming backlash against Christianity is bordering on the absurd, and we should continue to remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.
I know that may sound strident, but it's true. We spend an inordinate amount of time focused on shopping and buying gifts, but really, what does any of this have to do with the birth of Jesus? We have families all over the nation killing themselves to buy a tree they can't afford, running up their credit to buy toys and other gifts, all in an effort to make someone else happy.
What if families decided to forgo gifts, and instead, used their shopping days giving back to those in need? What if more of us went into our closets, grabbed old toys and clothes, repackaged them, and provided them as gifts to those without? Instead of gorging on food, what if we used some of the dough to feed those who are in need? What if we blew off those gift cards to electronic retailers and signed up with Networkforgood.org, and gave someone a gift card to their favorite charity?
Sure, I know I sound like a reincarnation of a flower child, but really, do we have to be so crass during the Christmas season?

Its time that we return to traditional values, and end this ridiculous charade. It's important that we take a fuller account of WHY we celebrate Christmas, as opposed to falling for the barrage of ads that tell us what is most important.
Parents, don't be so consumed with the notion that your children will have a terrible Christmas because the tree isn't overflowing with gifts. The true love that you show them is more important than anything else.
America might be the king of capitalism, but secularism must never become so prevalent that our religious traditions are discarded.
Roland S. Martin is a nationally award-winning journalist and CNN contributor. Martin is studying to receive his master's degree in Christian communications at Louisiana Baptist University, and he is the author of "Listening to the Spirit Within: 50 Perspectives on Faith." You can read more of his columns at www.rolandsmartin.com.

SOMETHING THINK ABOUT,..other than non-adoption!

This is from our hospital chaplain, who sends emails to those employees who would like words of encouragement during the Christmas season. This one gave me just a little heart tug and/or slap in the face. Thank you God for your beautiful Grace & much needed mercy!
Maybe you'll get as much out of it as I did.

Matthew 24:29 Immediately after the suffering of those days the sun will be darkened, and the
moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven will be shaken.

Night-mare. n 1. Formerly, an evil spirit believed to haunt and suffocate sleeping people. 2. A frightening dream, often accompanied by a sensation of oppression and helplessness.
Grace. n ….. 5. Mercy, clemency

It was just a thought, I think, it may have been a nightmare. What if God, at the time God decided to bring about the conception of Christ, chose not to do so because of earlier experiences with humankind. Here goes God's thought process as I remember them from my dream.
“Early on in creation humankind became so vile that I decided to wipe out everything, yet I found one person that was righteous so I restored humankind through the family of Noah. By golly, humankind turns right around and messes up again. When everything is going good they start moving away from my promises and my love. When humankind gets in trouble they come back in order for me to help them out of the pickle they got themselves into. When the Israelites were in Egypt their yoke was too heavy to bear so I send Moses to get them out and give them a new start. You think they will ever learn? I had this great idea about bringing a savior but looking at their past history I don't think they will understand, or change. It may be better for humankind to waddle in their own dung. It will save a lot of grief, confusion and disagreement. Mary will not become pregnant in a mysterious way, Joseph does not have to make a choice, the Three Wise-persons, Magi, from the East can stay home, the Shepherd boys will not be scared and confused, Judas will not have to betray his teacher, Peter does not have to deny his teacher three times, and my son will not have to suffer on the cross. I think I will not send my son to earth.” A nightmare, AAAAGH!!!!!
And so, in my nightmare, Jesus was not born and forgiveness was not available. During the nightmare I did not suffocate but I did wake up in a sweat. In those early morning hours I realized, and celebrated, the fact that Jesus was born and is born each and every day. God did not turn away from us but continues coming towards us. God has given us grace every time we asked for it. Grace was born into this world to die for the sins of humankind. That is clemency, having leniency for the other person. And as we celebrate the birth of Christ this year, remember that God’s gift was, and is, a gift of grace.

Unto us a child is born, let us reflect on that one for a bit.

Grace be with you.

We Wait, and We wait

Did I mention we've been waiting 6 months? For what you may ask? TPR has been done 6 months now.
If you find out please let me know. "Cause they ain't telling us.
This is ridiculas!

Everybody has an opinion on who was there. This is a 2 yr olds...

It stirs up theological debates, makes good Christians & friends argue

But this is who the Boy says was there that night.

Baby Jesus is on top of the manger. Even the alligator is a maybe. I'm just not so sure about that pig. I don't think it's kosher.

THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND

Why after realizing that there was a forgotten 18 year in our house, that fingerprints were need, didn't they realize at the same time that said 18 year old would also need a drug screen? don't these people do this for a living? Do they not do these things (adoptions) all the time? Now that the fingerprints are back.(yeah, yeah) NOW, they forgot she also needs drug screened. They didn't know that before? This is really becoming crazy. This boy has TPR done for 6 MONTHS NOW. There is NO reason why this wasn't done 4 months ago. They keep coming up with all these,"oh, just one more thing." they should add to drive you crazy with.
I just don't get this "system". You would think that they would want these kids out of the system and "off the payroll, so to speak ASAP. It's not like we're a new placement for him. He's lived with us since day one of being taken out of the home. 18 months to be precise. 6 months of that TPR has been done. I just do not get it.
Can anyone shed any light on this? We've been foster parents for going on 4 years. There is NOTHING that they don't know about us or have documented.
Sometimes I just shake me head. It really is a different existance we live in this foster care war.
OHHHHh, and to make matters worse, a little one we have, who just turned 1 today, has an over zealous CASA, who thinks she can come once a week at any time she chooses. Who cares if I work and have kinda sorta a life. Dr. appts for one and all and it's Christmas with lots of "stuff" on the calendar.
I wonder why more people aren't foster parents? or want to foster to adopt?

If anything is true, this is.....

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

~Elizabeth Stone

I'm Smart enough to understand them, They just wont let me join!

Mensa Invitational:

Here is Washington Post's Mensa Invitational,which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. (I don't much care for this one. )
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half aworm in the fruit you're eating.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ONE AND ALL
We have so much to be thankful and blessed for.
It's impossible to list them all.
The very air we breath is something to be thankful for
Living in a country where we can still openly worship our Savior
The list at my house would go on for miles!
Hopefully next week, after those pesky finger prints come back, we'll be a little closer to being thankful for one more blessing. A date or at least a pretend date, till it changes, for an adoption signing!
Hope everyone had a Great Day, and remembered at least a few of the things there are to be thankful for in this journey we call living!

I think I have some good news!

I think I have good news, but I'm not sure? Only with DFACS/adoption is this quandry understood!
Big G boy's social worker came over last night and said the only thing holding up the adoption was the finger prints from the forgotten 18 yr old in our house. But those are to be done by "LIVE SCAN" and relativly new piece of techie stuff, and runs your finger prints in "real time" thru all the FBI files. supposedly takes about 15-30 minutes to get the results instead of the usual 6-10 WEEKS, if they are not behind schedule. (it took 5 months for them to come back for our foster care clearance!) So she was saying IF the finger prints come back AND results get emailed to her that day, and IF she can submit them with our already put together packet the following day, MAYBE the adoption papers can be signed before the end of November. BUT OF COURSE there are all those pesky holidays in there to contend with. Oh, like Thurs and Friday is a holiday for DFACS, but she's put in to be off Wed before thanksgiving and the following MONDAY! Soooo, if the moon and stars alighn perfectly, no glitch in the paper work and GOD comes down and MAKES THEM sign them, it might just happen!
I told her to play up the fact that November is National Adoption month, and wouldn't it be SO COOL, if they could brag on how many adoption this county got done in November! Since they have about 9 coming up in the next couple of weeks, let make it 10!
But keep us in your prayers. this is mentally taxing . and we haven't even had to worry about birth parent visits, ect, ect, since he was abandoned with no father they could find. All in all we've had a pretty easy time in that dept. but we just want it over. So no one can tell us what we can and can't do with our son.
I promise when this is over, I'm going to post the biggest picture ever on here, and you will fall in love with this boy, he's so cute you could just pinch his chubby checks, which I do!

You know your nobody but a Mother When.....

My cell phone rang at an odd time last night. But I'm glad I answered it. I'll probably never have another conversation like it......
Me: Hello
Male Daddy type caller: Yes, is this Lauren's mother? (tone implys, if you are, I got something to tell you)
Me: No, I'm sorry, you.....
a Daddy: How about Amy?
Me: Let's make this easy, I am Nicole's mother, Sarah's mother, Mika's mother, and soon to The big G boy's mother.
a Daddy: OH, Terribly sorry, I have the wrong mother.

My first thought when I got off the phone was,"wow, how did I get that many kids?"
Second thought: MIIIIKKKKAAA, do you know a Lauren or a Amy?

HAPPY 232nd BIRTHDAY to my HEROS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST MEN I'VE EVER KNOWN! Men of great honor,courage,pride, integrity & love. I've never known a real Marine who didn't have all of these traits & more.
I've never been so proud as to walk beside my husband when colors were called on base, to see him stop, face Colors and salute. And to this day watch our grown daughters stop and look for a flag when they hear taps. They learned it from the best.
HERE'S A SECRET,just between you and me.
I ONLY MARRIED MY HUSBAND BECAUSE HE LOOKed SO GORGEOUS IN HIS MARINE DRESS BLUES. There is nothing better, greater, wonderful, gorgeous, SEXY, proud than a Marine in his dress blue uniform. Of course I've stayed for nearly 20 years for different reasons! But that uniform started it all. kinda. It was really cammies, but that's a different story :)

I Stole This......

I stole this from MEEK THE JERKS AND ME. I don't think she will mind me sharing tho.
and as the wife of a Marine for 18 years, I can tell you ,MAIL lifts spirits more than anything (other than coming home) Give it a try, I did, it's FREE too!
http://www.letssaythanks.com

TO KEEP FROM SAYING BAD THINGS, I DO THIS..

*hI,

My name is Sammi. I am D's 3 legged border colie. I am 12 years old. My hobbies are laying on her bed and the couch. I love to jump on all the social workers, casa workers, therapist, and random people who seem to come in this house all the time. Crying babies never get on my nerves. I go sleep in the walk in closet up stairs so I can't hear them. I am a good dog.

*sigh*

Dfacs gets on my nerves. That's all I have the energy for today. That's me talking now, not Sammi.

LOOK AT MY PUMPKIN!

AIN'T HE CUTE?

HE'S A PUKING PUMPKIN. HE PUKED HIS "GUTS" UP! GET IT?

I'd like to say I carved him, but I didn't. I just had the idea and made my husband carve him up. I'm a thinker not a doer. :)

MY NIGHTSTAND...

My husband says I can't sleep unless I surrounded by my "nest of book"

This is what my nightstand looks like. I'm too embarassed to show you the coffee table I moved in my bedroom to hold the rest of the "I'm gonna read them sooner of later books"!

What does your book list or nest look like ?

(that very top book, is one of my biggest coups to date. Joshilyn Jackson's "The Girl Who stopped swimming".Not out til March 2008! I can't wait to start it. I love her books, it's the kind you don't want to end!

Where do babies come from?

conversation in the car:
6 yr old foster son; Mrs. D?
yes bubby?
did you see that sign?
you mean the hospital bill board about babies?
yes.
and, what's your question?
It says "tanner: where BABIES comes from"
Yes, and?
But you told your friend, it was a lie, babies come from DFACS.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Be careful, LITTLE PITCHERS HAVE BIG EARS, AND UNDERSTAND WAYYY MORE THAN WE GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR!
How ever it was funny and around this place it's true!

I SAID NO!

I. SAID. NO....
TO DFACS! I'm not proud of myself. I've never told them that we can't take anymore children. But I realized after last week when they called for us to take in a sibling group of 3 & we told them we had no bed/care space for them. and they said "are you sure?" they neather have our best interest at heart (OVER LOADED, NEARING BREAKDOWN) Nor do they have the best interest of the kids. Who wants to double up in strange beds, with so many kids, ect? So my husband told them NO, since they called him on those kids.
But yesterday, they called me for a sibling grp of 2. Well if they want to sleep in the floor and ride on the roof, we can take them! She actually paused to think about this!! And then I said, I'm sorry, we really are over our "quota" anyway. and there is just no room. I SAID NO!
I'm so proud of myself! and my sanity patted me on the back!

Is ANTHING easy about adopting from foster care?

Something, anything! ?
Why? WHY? does any and everything cause the whole system to grind to a halt?
This boy has been legally adoptable since 8/31/07. We have had him since 7/06. We've been foster parents for 3 years. There is nothing they don't know about us, our house, our pets or our septic tank(don't ask) At any given time there is at least 1 social worker/therapist in my house once a week.Dfacs has every shred of paperwork on us that's possible to have. Last week they said we may have a court date for the adoption by next week! yea, yea!
I get an email today that says our 18 yr old did'nt sign her finger print card! It'll be at least 6-8 weeks to have those processed, maybe a little longer since the "system" is backed up. OK, she didn't sign the card, I understand that. BUT, BUT it's not like she came to live with us yesterday, she's been around, oh, say for about 18 years and they've had these finger print cards since she turned 18 in MAY!
I wish I could rant and rave to someone who could make a difference in this thing we call the "system". Do you want to know WHY people go outside the country to adopt? WHY you can't get good foster families to stay? Why people literally give up trying adopt the kids you've placed with them?
We have to tell you every minute detail of our lives, marriage, families, right down to things we've never told a living soul and you "the system" maintain the right to not tell us a single thing to help us parent, love, bond or give these kids a family.
I wonder where foster care & foster to adopt will be in 10 years? Better than today? or nonexistant, because no one is capable or has the desire to deal with the system?

WHO WOULD YOU BE......

Who would you be if...
you could be a mix of your favorite blogs you read?? And Why?

I would be Perri, because she is smart and funny and sure looks like she can cook. And appears she has the patients of a saint and very inventive and FULL of energy(that I covet!)and knows what it's like to start a young family, when your not so young.
I would be thepioneerwoman because she lives on a ranch and take awsome pictures, tell a mean story, has a crazy since of humor and gets to look at cowboys all day !
I would be antique mommy because she is funny & real and knows what it's like to have a young'n, when your not!
I would be Joshilyn Jackson, Well, who wouldn't want to be? She's the best southern writer since my beloved Lewis Grizzard! and she's funny, and can write, she's real and not all uppity.
I would be Tnfarmgirl, cause really I am one. God, my husband and the military (not really in that order or maybe so) stuck me in this sub division with yard natzi. Anyway, back to Tnfarmgirl. They live off the land, in God's very own country, and she makes EVERYTHING! AND I am ever so jealous of her and her ability to do that.
and smockityfrock, boys does she evergy and creativity!
OK, I could probably go on forever.
But now it's your turn.......

TAGGED...BY Heidi

Ok Heidi,
here goes. I've never been tagged before and I'm pretty boring to boot. So it will take me hours to figure out what to put down!
Jobs I've had:
1-waitress
2-bank teller in japan
3-accts receivable clerk
4-nurse

I have lived:
1-Cleveland, Tn
2-Indpls, In
3-Camp LeJune, NC
4-Okinawa, Japan
5-29 palms, CA & trust me, more places than I can count ...or remember at this point

Food I love:
1-REAL Japanese food
2-REAL Japanese food
3-hot wings
4-BLT salad

Websites I visit daily:
1-pioneer woman
2-perri
3-Heidi
4-Tnfarmgirl
5-rocksinmydryer
6-EBAY

Places I'd rather be:
1. Okinawa, Japan
2-Tellico Plains, Tn
3-almost any place other than where I am :(

Movies I love:
1-oh brother where art thou
2- the apostle
3-steel magnolias

TV shows I watch:
(Don't judge here)
1. Big Brother
2-SURVIVOR
3-CSI
4- pushing daisies--new favorite
It's a good thing books aren't on here. I read like a pig eats!
Thanks for the trip down memory lane Heidi, that was fun!

mommies

I am convinced that the whole world is kept in it's orbit by the very hope,faith & love every mother has in HER child, to do and be and carry one every good and right "thing" we have taught and prayed for them. Without that hope and faith we mother's have, what would the world be like?

We Sit We wait We stew over THE system......

Why does the "system" keep children in longer than they need to be there? TPR was done August 31st. We've been foster parents for years. They have all the papers in the world they need. Plus we have been his foster parents for ohhhhhh say 15 months now. So they've been in our house at LEAST once a month for 15 months, so we must be at the least tolerable foster parents, good enough to raise him lo, these past 15 months. SO why in God's name is it taking so long to get the adop0tion hearing on court docket?
They wonder why good foster parents are hard to find. Why we get so upset or feedup with the whole thing. Am I missing something? Being too hard on them? Not giving them the time needed? paperwork HA? PLEASE, they know more about me than any entity on earth, maybe even my husband!
I get so tired of the" you"ll be hearing from me next week phone call" one of those at this point is 2 months old, still haven't heard from HER. The last one, bless her heart is only 3 weeks old. But tomorrow is Monday, maybe it will bring a phone call. HEY....I have nothing better to do than wait on our fate with DFACS. I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Dang, I am starting to get too sarcastic. They are changing my very personality.
Maybe time to throw in that proverbial towel.
'

scrapsbynobody.blogspot.com

SCRAPS BY SOMEBODY....SPECIAL

I've been reading scrap by nobody for sometime now. She is good as in person & writer. I think they are foster to adopt. But listening to her and her words of wisdom is amazing. She has so much wisdom. here is her most recent post that spoke directly to my foster parent/getting ready to adopt that boy of ours heart. I think every social work, DFACS worker, CASA, Advocate, Judge, ect, ect should read it, absorb it, take it to heart, LISTEN. This is our life as foster parents, whether or not you intend to adopt them.

Courageous
A recent, kind commenter called our family courageous. In customary fashion I tried to mentally brush the word off. It seems a bit over the top for what I do...most of which involves copious amounts of dirty laundry and dishes. But I got to thinking about the word for a few minutes. In fact, I got to thinking about it for long enough that I decided to look up a definition. Here's what I got:
Courageous: able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinchingI like the definition, because when I just searched for courage, it spoke of an absence of fear...and I knew this just didn't seem entirely right. But note this definition. There is no absence of fear, but an ability to face fear. I think this is terribly important, because fear is a very huge part of what we are doing here. I remember going to our birthing classes years ago, and under all the hope and happiness was fear. Fear of what can go wrong, fear of failure, fear of the future. I remember going to our adoption preparation classes, and under all the hope and happiness was an enormous fear. Much greater than the fear at birthing class.Those teaching the classes foster the fear. They talk of "worst case scenarios" in an attempt to not leave you unprepared. But fear is not preparation. We begin to ask ourselves questions, and they all begin with two words. What if...the children don't like us? What if they have needs we cannot provide for? What if they feel like outsiders...don't attach to our family? The questions get harder, and we often dodge them at this stage, telling ourselves, "This is only hypothetical... this wouldn't likely happen to us." What if the children are destructive? What if they hurt or kill our pets? What if they are sexually active? What if they hurt my bio child? What if my marriage begins to suffer? Then the children come home, and in the whirl of settling in you ask no questions...you only put your shoulder to the wheel because there is just so much work to be done. You are happy to work. This is what you signed on for.But in time the dust settles. The work becomes a routine, and the quiet questions begin somewhere in the back of your mind. Now the questions are very specific. What if this one has FAS? Will they ever be able to care for themselves? What if one child is preying on another behind a closed door? Can I live with the destruction of our family's belongings? What if my husband loses his job because of one of these children? What to do about the spouse who gains thirty pounds in only a few months because of stress? How do I deal with my bio child sobbing, saying, "I just can't deal with this noise and craziness anymore."? Now the fear becomes very real.I think the fear is what separates us from the rest of the world. If all I wanted to do was be charitable and help someone, I could have done a hundred things; all of them noble, and useful, and good. But very few of them would require courage. I could leave the sanctuary of my loving home every day of my life and work for the good of others. I could be well paid to do it, or give it away for free. But some families choose to offer up the very best they have. They open up that sanctuary called their home, their family, their marriage. Some go in with eyes wide open, and others not so much. The common denominator is fear. Absolutely everything that might go wrong, can and often will.Here are the courage questions to ask yourself. Can I love a child who harms and destroys that which I love? Can I change my expectations and not be bitter? Can I live with a pervading sense of failure? Can I live in "fear without flinching"? And of course when I am honest with myself I know I cannot. I don't even want to. Courage sucks. Being courageous means there must be something to be afraid of to begin with, some risk to be taken. I think most of us living our comfortable, secure lives don't want danger to knock on our door. We only take challenge when it is thrust upon us...and yet we are so uplifted by stories of courage. We hear them and have a vague sense that there is something we are missing.I have had it said to me along the way, that my new daughters are very courageous. I agree, but not for the reasons most are referring to. It does not require courage to be tossed into a lifeboat by force. What my daughters truly do know, is fear. They have crawled into every dark hole to escape from their fear. What demands courage, is to allow yourself to be coaxed out of the hole. It demands courage to decide to live above an animal level, existing only for your bread and a safe place to lay your head. It requires courage to even want more. I see my daughters' courage when they choose to rise above their apathy and work hard, and believe there will actually be a payoff in the future. I see their courage when they do wrong and choose to tell the truth, trusting that this strange parent-creature will deal fairly with them. Their courage feeds my courage, and mine feeds theirs.I realize that the battle we wage is not so very different... and a battle analogy is apt. Some of us have signed up to be soldiers, and others here got drafted. But we all have to go through our training, become fit for battle, and learn courage. It requires us to take risk, travel light, be flexible. We must face our fear without flinching...so yes, I will take "courageous". I sure like it better than "saint" or "crazy"!

CHILD THEOLOGY

AMY over at www. humblemusings.com
started this discussion, and it was very interesting. I'm sure most of our children raised in Church/Christian home have come up with their own theology. Here's one of mine. My 18 yr old has left us with many, this is just one.
What do you have?

This was some 13 yrs ago. Our youngest was in Christian School. she was in 1st grade. They had evidently been talking about satan, and the part he plays in the evil that happens here on earth. That night she came home and needed to have a very serious talk about what they learned in school. (her daddy, a marine at the time was stationed in Japan, so no help was coming on the advice front)She said since the devil was to blame for all this evil going around, she felt that if he would just accept Jesus Christ as his savior, all would be made right in the world. She asked if we could start praying for his salvation. I made a few attempts at explaining he knew exactly who Jesus was, but was not at all interested in salvation. Pretty much the impossibility of the whole thing. But she was not having any part of it. She said, “you told me ANYBODY could except Jesus as their savior” and I want to pray that the devil will accept Jesus into his heart. So I threw theology to wind for a month and we prayed the devil would accept Jesus as his Lord & Savior! NOt theologically correct, I know. But I also know that God knows the heart of a 6 year and her good intentions. I’ll treasure her zest for knowing salvation is for all who accept it, till the day I meet that wonderful Savior face to face.

A GOOD BRA.....

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

WIGGLING'

This past weekend we went to visit my mother in law who is 92 years old. We were talking about how her brother and sister died in their 90's and her sister in particular when she was 92. She went on to say she was "kindly afraid of turning 92" seeing how her sister died when she was 92. She said she didn't know many people who made it to their 90's. My husband trying to reassure her said,"the oldest woman is something like 116, I bet you can beat her" My mother in law laughed and said, "well, SHE'S so old I bet she can't even wiggle!"
Coming from a woman who still keeps her house, plants a garden and mows an acre of lawn by herself. It was funny.
Until I realized I was 42 and some days I find it hard to even wiggle. Let alone vaccuum.

I know who I am.......

I KNOW WHO I AM

I am God's child (John 1:12)I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17)I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)I am a perso nal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt.5:13-14)I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor 12:27)I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor.5:17-21)I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)I cannot be separated from the love of God(Rom.8:35-39)I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship(Eph. 2:10)I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child(Eph 1:5)I belong to God
Do you knowwho you are!?
"The LORD bless you and keep you;the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace."Numbers 6:24-26

CONCLUSIONS

I am not a good mother
I do not live an exciting life
I can't spell
my kids & me are boring
my kids are not witty/smart
IIII am not witty/smart
I read too many blogs of perfect moms, or near perfect anyway
I depress easily after reading the blogs of perfect/witty/great cooks
however to be fair, I got a note home on one of my foster children who during nap time was making farting noises with his arms and got moved to RED! does classify as witty or sad?
I need to stop reading so many blogs. I can see when I start staying home full time to be a mommy, my days will be filled with too many blogs and not enough laundry/dinner.
*sigh*

OH, so healthy.....Oh, I'm so cheap......

In our decision to adopt this boy of ours, we decided maybe this go round we would try to establish some"healthy" eating habits in him (it's too late for us) He's knocking on 2, and just recently had his first taste of sweet tea! Yep, I know, I'm a good mommy. Hey, that is good, you know. My 25 yr old was chuging coke out of a baby bottle at his age. But I've gone to nursing school since then OK & got ahold of some common sence along the long way.
Anyhow, we decided organic, hormon & antibiotic free milk would be a good start. So start it we did. It's expensive! But hey, the little guy is worth it, that and not having him antibiotic resistant, and having a beard in 5th grade. So I come across this great deal on www.wantnot.net , (go see her if you haven't. She has THE BEST FREEBY OR CLOSE TO IT SITE, you've ever seen.) A great deal from Amazon on Horizon organic milk in little sippy boxes, not found in your regular grocery store/walmart. Free shipping and everything. (by the way, one of the pluses is it doesn't have to be refridgerated)So like a good mommy, I go there and buy 2 CASES. (it was a good sale, free shipping and all) So they deliver it yesterday and I so happily put some in the fridge for him and then I'm all like, "DRINK, DRINK LITTLE BOY, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" AND HE DOES.
sO I go visit wantnot today as usual, as you never know what good deals she'll have. and there on the screen she's apoligizing for the "milk trouble" she'd caused because so many people had ordered. Apparnetly I am blind & stupid & can't read, because she said there on the box, it said " KEEP AT 80 F OR BELOW".
People, I live on the surface of the sun right now! well kinda, it's been 102 for days here. If you don't factor in how hot it got to be in that UPS truck, while he ate his lunch in the air conditioning at Waffle HOuse! Of course she said to call Amazon, and all would be well, and I did, and they did.
But now I sit here looking at 2 cases of very expensive milk and my only thought is,"Do you really think it would make him sick if he drank it? THAT is an awful lot of milk to throw out." Besides he drank some last night, before his blind mother to be knew of the big bold warning on the box.
Dang, I'm cheap.
BUT I DO NOT LET HIM DRINK COKE OUT OF A BABY BOTTLE

HOT, you don't know HOT!

Whew! Its HOT out there!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN GEORGIA IN JULY/AUGUST WHEN. .. .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end uplying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from layingboiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Ah, what a place to call home. . . God Bless Our State of Georgia!!

HOLD IT.there's more.....

Note:
If you are not a resident of GEORGIA or never have lived in the hot,humid South, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry. Please keep it cool in mid-July(& all of August.
Bless the walls where termites dine,While ants and roaches march in time.Bless our yard where spiders pass Fire ant build castles in the grass. Bless the garage, a home to please Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas. Bless the love bugs, two by two, the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, in GEORGIA, Lord, you've put them all!!But this is home, and here we'll stay,So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
IT'S HOTTTTTT!

When the Holy Spirit smacks you in the head!

We've been having a few "issues" with our youngest daughter. Too detailed and painful to go into. (just keep us in your prayers, He knows)
But as I stood making egg salad today, ( don't laugh, my life IS exciting). I was thinking/praying. God, if she would only come to me with a truely repentant heart and the right attitude, all would be forgiven. That's all it would take. Why doesn't she see that and swollow her pride?
and do you know what God said to me?"Yea, boy, don't I know! How many times do you think I've said that to YOU? You know, the the Holy Spirit sure has a way with words, that cut quickly to the bone.
I guess our relation ship with our Father mirrors that of ours & our children more closely than we give it credit most times.
I guess everyone needs a good slap from the Holy Spirit every once in awhile. Some of us more often than others.

TPR DEFINED:

WELL KINDA.
Perri said she thought, once termination was done on the parents- meaning they are no longer the parent of this child, any children they had or may have ,is also not legally the sibling of the child you are adopting. Which is the case here, since a newborn was taken just weeks ago.
anybody want a healthy newborn male. Just speak up. we have a bounty it seems.
thank you perri for all the peace of mind you offer unselfishly.

The HoHum days of a very HOT summer Here!

Please forgive the ramblings. I have so much going on, I don't know if I'm coming or going.
We got a new "addition" a couple of weeks ago. She 8 months old. and these little ones sometimes take the separation a little worse than the older ones. They have no idea what just happened to mom, grandma, or who ever the care taker might have been. So they do the only thing they know to do and that is cry. and CRY this one does. She's getting better. I sometimes wonder what's going thru their little minds as I sit rocking them, I know she knows I'm a stranger. Does she feel lost, alone, sad maybe? I know my grandson or new grandaughter would be devastated without my daughter, she is their world, no one can take care of a baby the way their mother does. (a good mother that is)
But of course I wouldn't have these babies if they had a mother like my very own pride and joy. (I'm sightly predjudise on that, but I did teach her a few mommy tips in her life. And she is a wonderful mommy, and my son in law a good daddy.)
I just wonder about "my babies" that come thru my house sometimes. I hope I'm doing a little good, until they find that family that wants them more than anything on earth or they make their way back to their birth parents.
The five yr old we have will break your heart, short story, had a foster to adopt familyfor a year! who said, ummmm, maybe not, put him back in the system. He's adorable and so very intelligent, I pray for a good,kind,loving home for this boy, who deserves so much more.
I have all these depressing fellings around these 2 in our home. But I loose track of the fact that God has given us our little boy, that TPR has been done on, we're waiting our 30 "come back days" and then just a court date to make him ours. NOw this is one loved little man, who I don't have to worry about finding a good Christian couple who will raise him to Love & serve God all the days of his life! But boy am I going to be old doing it. My saintly husband is more excited than I am.
Closer to adoption time I will unvail THE NEW NAME! Yes, we are changing his name, I know this bugs alot of people, including social workers.....but I don't care. We have our reasons.
and I will post a gen-u-wine, real Picture of the boy, when he becomes ours.
I think I've rambled enough tonight as to bore you have silly.
So I will go and prepare for the most awful experience in my life....getting 5 yr old off to public school. I praise God everyday for the means he has given us to send our baby (18 yr old) to private school. And pray we will be able to do the same for the big G boy when it's time.
I've opened all kinds of worms with some of these ramblings.......so bye for now and don't hate me. I have my reasons for all them.

TPR IS DONE!

JUST A SHORT NOTE:
it was over and done within 15 minutes! The judge said, this, this & this happened, so I move to terminate parental rights today with a hearing in 30 days showing no one has come foreward to contest. So it's just a matter of waiting & then waiting again for an adoption date!
thanks for all your prayers, I needed them. I'll post more later

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE MOST AMAZING SOUL MATE, GODLY, LOVING, KIND,GENEROUS, FULL OF CHARACTER,HUMOR,HONOR &HONESTY, A GREAT COOK, AND ONE HECK OF A SENCE OF HUMOR....HE MARRIED ME DIDN'T HE?
YEP, HE'S MINE! I'M JUST HOPING HE NEVER FINDS ALL MY FLAWS.
I'M ONE BLESSED WOMAN AND IT'S ALL BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION THAT GOD GAVE HIM TO ME.
THANK YOU GOD! PLEASE JUST 100 YEARS MORE.

I really should proof read my entries before I post

Why didn't anybody tell me, that I am a terrible typer,speller and proof reader?
I go back and reread my posts and think, "what were you thinking or not thinking? A 6 yr old would've caught that!"
Thanks guys. I'll be sure and tell YOU next time your slip is showing. 'Cause that's what good friends DO!

JULY 31st COMES QUICKLY

JULY 31st COMES WITH A VENGENCE! 'TIS THE DAY OF RECKONING. TPR (TERMINATION OF PARENTAL RIGHTS) will be done on our boy. However, we found out a little kicker. There was a sibling taken from the birth mother in another county a few weeks back and we're not sure the impact this will have on his adoption. Here, in our state, siblings are kept together almost at all costs. But our little man has been in the "system" for nearing 13 months. So were not sure what bearing if any this will have.

wait, wait, wait. And so many IF's, it's one of many reasons I fear puting everything out there, emotionally speaking. What if something happens? What if she wants him back. She has 30 days from TPR to come back and say, "oh I was busy for the last 13 months and would like to have him back now". That would kill us both. And I know we can't do another baby (his sibling) Unless God help me, He has yet another surprise for me.

A special thanks to perri for her wonderful advice and her friend Heidi too. You'll never know how much it means to have an understanding ear to hear you out!

please pray for us that this will go smoothly!

I KNOW IT'S been a Long Time AGAIN!....

I have had quite the serious deliberation going over & over in my head for some weeks now.

Adoption the the average couple who are looking for that is quite the no brainer.

But as all of you who read my blog, now we foster ONLY!

Well, one of the little guys got under of skin (very OLD skin, I might add) I will only give you the ages for comparison & pity's sake, ME-42, hubby-53. 3 grown daughters 25/21/ & the baby is 18 and will be a Sr. in a private H.S this year.

It looks like we are going to do what I said would never happen.

We are going to adopt the 18 month old that we have had for 13 months. We love the little devil. But I fear being "an older parent". I was alway in the " you started how young catagory?"

Perri, how do I handle this "old mommy" thing? What is something happens to us.

There is so much to think/worry/whine about.

This is a huge step. Is it fair to our other kids?grandkids?

Daycare is soo expensive, I may have to stop working. I've never NOT worked, what do you do all day long?

I've got so much to think about, pray about and BEG OPINIONS FROM YOU GOOD PEOPLE. tHERE are no bad advise. Any advise or questions, ect is welcome at this point.

I think I may be deserate. *sigh* and I think I may need one of those wooden tree house/swing sets, to go where my garden is now.

HELP!