It all feels so surreal. David's adoption. He's lived with us since he was 7 months old & now he is 27 months old. So he has always been ours. A piece of paper really isn't going to make any difference, in a heart & head sence anyway. In all things practical it means "they" can't tell me the judge didn't sign off on him going to a family reunion out of state, or you were 2 weeks late getting his check up, can you explain that? And of course his name will change for all things "paper worky". The doctor, daycare, ect and of course the adventure in getting a new SS # will be interesting. We were told our state lags a little behind in getting out those new birth certificates...oh by about 12-14 months! So hopefully the final adoption decree will work.
On another note, the 6 yr old we have, has finally been matched to an adoptive home. We met them this passed weekend, they seem to be wonderful people and a great match for him.
He wanted to go home with them right then and there. He's been with us 8 months, ain't bonding issues wonderful! They do indeed have their work cut out for them on that front.
The poor baby girl (15 months) just sits and waits for something to happen. No case is being worked, no family members are stepping up. I wonder how long it will take to TPR? She's been here 8 mo also.
Sometimes I hate this system & I think it needs to be torn down to the ground and redone. But redone how? I have no idea. I just know if nobody wants or is trying to get a child "out" then that child should be adopted ASAP! I know there are so many people out there waiting to adopt, and just as many kids, babies even, waiting to go to a home that wants them more than anything. And that very thought drives me crazy some days.
We were NEVER in this to adopt. But love happens. I just can't imagine beginning or extending your family thru this system, and the waiting and hoping and the dealing with SW that has to go on. I know how it has slapped us around emotionally, physically and every other ally. My heart goes out to all my bloggy friends who are dealing with this. I can say we will not do the adoption thing again. Mostly because of age. But I am having a hard time deciding if what we do is worth it to keep fostering. When I see what has happened or is happening with our current fost*er kids, (by the system) I just don't know. Am I making a difference or driving my self into the ground for a system that doesn't care?
If ;you are adopting thru the system, we you do it again? or if you are foster parents, how do you deal with the crazy stuff?
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
BITS & PIECES OF RANDOM THOUGHTS
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4 comments:
I am not the best one to comment on this,as we sit at year two of the waiting game,watching our 1st fosterson,just now in the (beginning) stages of TPR after 4 yrs in and dozens of homes,ending up in a mental hospital at age 5?He was normal when we had him,we were his 2nd home.We begged to adopt him.I have yet to meet a fosterparent who does not have gripes,tears and some regrets.The system is not perfect,Gods love is and if he calls one to do this,he will see you through.It truelly has to be a calling to do this.Thats what it comes down to,its hard period,pays little and offers much heartbreak,alot of love to,but the negatives weigh heavy.If you feel led too... continue,I am sure the many children who pass through your doors will be greatly touched by your family.Take care
Oh, This poor little ones. It's not fair to them... What a big heart you have. God is truly using you.
Patricia
I'm scared to death of the possibilities of having to deal with all this! I wish there were clearer and better answers. We are failing the children. Do all you can for the time you have them and trust it will make a difference in their lives.
I think when the girls are older we may foster again, but no more intentional foster adoption for us. Fostering is definitely a ministry that one should be called to, IMO. The system is a mess, but it's all we have, sadly. It's like butting your head against a brick wall most of the time.
But I guess, for now, I want to deeply enjoy the girls' childhoods and find out who they're going to turn into first before making the decision to do fostering again.
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