Friday, March 30, 2012

Sometimes you just have to know when to throw in the towel

And there is nothing like being kicked in the head and stomach that says,"Girlfriend, you're insane. You DO NOT have to do this. They don't care what you're going through with these kids.
But really the straw that broke the camel's back was the girl "chest butting" the Boy as he continually walked away from her assaults. Mess with my kid and I can be mama from hell.
Had it been any other circumstance or kid and I would have been in some mama's face.
I realized The Boy did not sign up to live his life like this, we did. And what kind of idiot would I be if I could not protect my own son from these assaults? If he treated these kids the way they treated him, I would have Hades to pay.
Tomorrow morning I will bid a fond farewell to these two and mark it up to experience.
I like to think I know my limits. I pray for them a placement* that can truly meet the therapeutic*/medical* needs they have.
On the other front, the husband/my sanity has been gone for what seems like years. In reality it's been 10 very long days.
We are hunting desperately for a home in the new state, but everything is either in a subdivision (never again) falling down or crazy expensive. This may take awhile.

Friday, March 23, 2012

I don't know how you do it

Well, most times neither do I. Or more importantly (most times) I don't know WHY I do it.
This came from their *therapist! At our last appointment the *therapist said,"I don't know how you do this time after time, kid after kid." Well, none of the kids I've had in these past 7 or 8 years have been as difficult as these 2. These 2 have been through/seen/done/endured more than the babies I usually take. I try to keep this in mind as one throws the 17th hissy fit/melt down/murderous rage in 24 hours or the other pees her pants for 3rd time while playing 5 steps from the bathroom, making up random lies & accidentally kicking her sibling in the stomach for 14th time. So sometimes I feel a little frustrated. Because there is no discipline I can gently toss their way that can come close to what they've endured their whole lives. (I WILL kick anybody in the head who suggests a sticker chart) The SW asked if their behavior overwhelmed me. I asked her if there were any other *foster*families* out there that could manage their behaviors & deal with one of them having active*herpes*outbreaks* every 3 weeks (which means protecting their families, other sibling & keeping him from any other kids/people (no daycare or school) for 7-10 days with every outbreak*??? She said, "Oh sure, there's lots of families who could/would do it." First BLESS THEIR HEARTS. Then I told her she would be the first one I called if I felt I could no longer deal with them.
You might be asking yourself WHY did this conversation come to take place?
I asked for respite* care so the Boy and I could go visit the absent husband for spring*break.
They told me I had used my 5 days of *respite we get per year, when I went to see my dad in ICU* and then the 4 days I was gone for his funeral.
YES, our county loves and respects their foster*parents.
Be a Foster*parent today. We need you.
I'm only slightly bitter and a lot burned out.

P.S -- I sincerely hope not all counties in America treat FP like ours do.
I'm sure there are good *agencies out there. I just don't happen to live where there is one.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

HI !

Where ya been?
Oh, that was me not YOU.
Let's see...where to start?
After my dad's funeral I went to Orlando. To the wonderful Early Trauma "work shop" I went to
last year. Corey Waters has sponsored this 3 years in a row. This year I think we had 90 mamas.
I always learn so much and create great friendships when I go. I love it.
If you'd like more info about it just leave me your email address and I'll be glad to answer any questions you have. (I wont publish your email address for all the world to see, I promise)
So a great time was had in Orlando.

Now to drop the bomb shell........
Maybe not to you, but it certainly was to me.
It's funny sometimes how God starts to prepare you for what He has in mind.
I was getting restless in "this place". Both the physical place & mental place.
And I was a *Marine's wife. I was used to moving every time the house got dirty anyway.
I can't tell you how many times I've told my husband "I hate this place" for one reason or another. We did not choose to move here when my husband retired. God chose it for us. (it was the only state that offered him a job...3 jobs) So God heard my cry, it seems.
The company my husband works for decided some cuts were needed in his field & he was low man on the totum pole. BUT, God heard my cry, and my husband's boss told his boss, ect, ect, and now Sunday my husband leaves to go to another state to work!
Better than being with NO job. And a state that I think I will be happier in.
Problem #341--We have a house that will never sell in this economy, in this area. EVER.
Problem #1 we could never sell it for what we even owe on it.
Problem #9876 The Boy is in school, it has been paid for. He has to finish school here.
Problem #2 We have no place to live in the other state & who can afford 2 mortgages?? Not us.
Problem #3 I have to stay here with the Boy until this summer, when hopefully most of this stuff can be resolved.
Problem #876 I hate being away from my husband, we were apart for most of our marriage curtsy of the USMC* and I do not make a good single parent. The Boy's teeth tend not to get brushed and every toy he has all the sudden needs new batteries that I have no idea how to change.
Problem #100 The children with more issues than I can count are still here. I feel morally obligated to see this placement through. If for no other reason to see that the oldest finishes the school year. So I will be here, alone, with them too.
Problem #5 Leaving my older girls here with our grandchildren.
Problem #01 Not living in the REAL south. I think of the new state as the "make believe, they wish they lived in the south" south. They can't really make fun of my accent, but it will be different than theirs. But I'll survive.
I plan to NOT do foster*care in the new state. I have put much thought into this & I feel God has made it very plain our f@stering days will be over.
So after this summer maybe my blog will turn into a living off the land/gardening/quilting/chicken raising/all organic meat/life after foster*care blog or something along those lines.
But until then I try to sqeeze as much crazy into this thing as I can write down.
Oh, and my computer crashed and I lost all my favorite blogs. Please leave me your blog link. I feel so left out.