Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I've known for some time The Boy probably had night terrors. But today at the Dr's office we got the diagnosis. It somehow makes it more real when what you think is said out loud by someone else.
Night Terrors are awful. If you've ever seen one, I don't have to tell you anything. You know.
I kinda always thought it was when a child woke in the middle of the night after a bad dream or was scared. NO! That is not a night terror at all. That is "waking" in the middle of the night after a bad dream.
In a night terror, the child first, has no idea they are doing it. They have no memory of it after it's over. They scream, cry, wail & thrash around. All without waking or knowing what they are doing. You CAN NOT WAKE them. The Boy screams & screams for me, and I am right there, telling him I am here, I am here. He does not know I am there. You can not comfort them or help them. You have no control. You are helpless. It has to play itself out.
When it first started happening he was about 2 yrs old and it would last 5 or 10 minutes and only happen about once a month. This week we've had 2 episodes. One lasted 45 minutes and the other 1 hour. As you can imagine you are mentally & physically exhausted after one of these.
I was very lucky that I didn't have to explain what goes on to the Dr, because her son had them from age 9 months to 2 yrs old. So she understood. Thank God.
From everything I've heard or read he should out grow them by puberty. I'm not sure I can do this for 10 more years.
She said look for triggers, like being overtired, going without a nap. She said traveling with her son was a huge trigger. She said,"try explaining to a hotel clerk why your kid is screaming bloody murder and it appears your not doing anything to stop him."and also, "don't take him on the balcony thinking that will help the people next to you from wanting to kill you. Then everybody in the hotel will want to kill you."
Good words of advice.
She said the neuro. dr they took their son to, recommended waking him 90 minutes into his sleep every night. supposedly they have night terrors when entering that sleep r.e.m. Sure, right, I wake that boy up 90 minutes after he goes to sleep & he's going to think it's "wake up time".
There is absolutely nothing to be done. Except wait this out. One of the most heart breaking things to do is hear your child scream for you & there is nothing you can do to help them.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

You MUST go look at this

But I warn you now...get some kleenex first. You have been warned.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

A very good investment

You just don't think so when it's 100 degrees outside!
The boy was so red in the face from "jumpin jumpin" for an hour. I thought he was going to pass out. We had to make him get out. (Daddy didn't mind getting out right away)
He was so tired, a nap was no problem, for The Boy & daddy. I think in the fall this will be a very good thing.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Before I forget it.
Judge me later...I've got to tell you this now.
I'm watching the Big Brother 10 Live feed (I said, don't judge)
One of the girls was just chatting away about some family member, and all I caught of it was,
"She could of got away with pleading insanity, but she ran over him TWICE! She should have stopped at once." Very casually, like totally nothing wrong with doing it once.
My life is so boring.

Monday, July 21, 2008


I'm a history buff. I love the history of little known facts about our country.
My dream come true would be a 3 week private tour of the Smithsonian!
I know I'm a nerd.
If your a history buff or homeschool and would like the kids to learn some things not
put in most history books. This is the site for you. I'm pretty sure they change the topics ever so often too.
Have fun looking around.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


I'm not sure how to start this.
I'm not proud of it. Maybe you will judge me to be a bad person, an ungrateful person. And you may be right.
Sometimes when I am tired, because a little boy didn't take a nap or he acts up in a restaurant or I have to clean up throw up, or the little boy refuses to be potty trained, or finds the pencil that I couldn't find for an hour, and writes on the wall...or any number of things, I feel resentment creep in. I should be able to do anything I want at this point in my life. Work, go away for the weekend, go to dinner in peace. NOT clean walls.
Now to go back in time a little.
I had my 2 oldest very early in life. A military dr. did not follow any medical protocol when I had my gallbladder out at age 22, and said hey, you want me to tie your tubes while I'm in there? (I had told him I was done having children) I was 22 with 2 kids, and not enough common sense to look more than 10 minutes into the future. He tied my tubes at age 22, I was divorced 3 months later.
A couple years later along comes the most amazing man in the world. He was 36, never married. He knew I could not have anymore children when we married, he was fine with that. I was not. In my mind he deserved a baby "of his own". We tried to have the surgery reversed, but there was too much damage. NO babies.
We had the opportunity to adopt a 5 month old a few months after we were married and done it.(she's 19 now!)
But in the back of my mind he deserved a son, a son I could not give him.
I prayed God would allow me to give him a son. Crazy I know. I saw the surgery report, no eggs were coming out of those tubes.EVER. I prayed that prayer til I was about 40. By then I knew it was too late and too crazy. And who says He didn't answer my prayers all those years ago with our daughter? Plus our 2 older daughters who love him as tho he was their father.
Back to the resentment.....
At times it has got the best of me. Don't get me wrong I love that boy with all my heart. But God had to show me something and He had to make sure I saw it.
Today while watching a UTube video, of all things. God smacked me.
He said I heard your prayers. YOU messed up my plans for your life, by having the surgery. I did give you a son. I answered your prayers, not on your terms, but Mine. I gave you the son you prayed for.
The boy was born right before my 40th birthday. It was a miracle he came to us. Healthy, infant males are nearly impossible to get from foster care. Especially when your not looking for them.
If I would have become pregnant at 40 would I have resented it? I did pray for it after all. So why do I resent not being able to do the things I could do without a 2 yr old?
God gave me the desires of my heart, I will resent it no more. Sometimes I am a blind fool.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

You know you read too much WHEN...

You read a 365 page book and remember when your on the last 2 pages, you've already read the book!
Either you read too much or your getting too old. I don't know which.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Here's hoping they will always be friends. It's not every day your nephew is 6 months older than you . Or that your oldest sister is 24 years older than you.
In looks they are as different as night and day. The boy is brown haired and brown eyed & his nephew (my grandson) is White headed and sparkly blue eyes. Two of the most handsome boys I've ever seen.
(Yes, someday I will get rid of that pacifier)

Friday, July 11, 2008


YOU would be too!
The boy is sick. For a few days he has had a runny nose & slight fever. No big deal. Until this morning he came in and told me his beddy hurt and started scratching. I pulled up his shirt to see a beautiful Lacey red rash, front torso only. I pat myself on the back and know nursing school and the ensuing 20 years had not been wasted, by diagnosing the boy with scarlatina or strep, both can be caused by the same type strain, giving you the lovely lacey red rash.
I digress..
So anyway, I know either way we need to go to the dr and some meddy. (we use technical terms around here.) So we go in, I give the dr the run down on his symptoms, he agrees with my diagnosis. :) But wants to do a strep test anyway, since his throat is so red. So he swabs his throat and goes out to run the test. The boy says, 'You hurt me!' He comes back with an ice pop and tells the boy it will make his throat better. The boys says thank you and gobbles it all up.
Just as the dr comes back in THAT boy looks at me, folds his hands under his chin and says,"Pweese mama, Pweeese I have some more?"
OH, MY Goodness! Where did he learn that? WHERE? I want to know? I have not seen it on any of the cartoons he watches and we sure didn't teach him.
Was that boy born knowing how to break my heart?
The dr just smiled, gave us our script and walked out.
I am left to deal with the "pweese mama pweese" hands folded under the chin!
I did what any sane mama does, I said, I'll give you an ice cream when we get home. (we don't have ice pops) He says NO, pweeeeese mama, ice, pweese. The boy was killing me.
I wanted to squeeze him to death (big hug, not kill) and cry. So I did what any sane mama does, I stopped on my way home and got ice pops for the boy.
I can see now (and so does he) that when he folds his hands under his chin and says. Pweeese, mama, Pweeeeese, it'll probably work for anything. From ice pops to a pony.
I need to learn where he learned this from, it's killing me!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

My not so ugly baby boy


My life changed forever. and so did another woman's. She was just a girl really, but I bet she has seen far more than most would ever want to see. Which probably makes her a woman in her eyes.
I was sitting at home minding my own business. The phone rang and I saw it was *dfacs, but I had a 9 month old little girl, so I thought it may have something to do with her. (They know I never take more than one baby,hahahhahha)
They said it was an emergency. Like they don't always say that. BUT, this was the first time, they had told me that.
The story, it was sad. A baby boy, 7 months old. Mom was homeless, living hotel to hotel. Refusing transport to Dr. appts, WIC & welfare for the baby. Tested + for drugs. I'm sure you know the story, most of you have heard it a hundred times or more.
I said, I don't know. You know I already have a 9 month old. And we really don't take more than one at a time. More fair to the baby, you know. No, I say, I don't think so. *Long silence. *D, she says, We don't have anywhere to put him. It's after office hours (it was about 6:00pm)
I thought about what my husband would say, where I would put him. We only had a car at the time, that already had a car seat & a place for the 16 yr old. We would be wall to wall babies.
And for some reason, known only to God to this day. I said OK. I'll be right there.
I went in & picked up a chubby, ugly, brown haired, brown eyed, crying baby. I sat up most of the night rocking him. He was scared. And, well, I wasn't very happy either. I had no idea what had got into me. Why, in God's name, did I do this? What made me think I could do 2 babies pretty much the same age? And look at him! With his too big, chubby cheeks, you couldn't even see his chin for those cheeks! Ugly little thing I told myself. (first brick to go up in "the wall" of not bonding. (for me)
I just bet God was laughing so hard. He was saying, just wait girl, you'll think that boy hung the moon and stars! And you'll think he's the handsomest boy to walk the earth. AND your husband! Oh, you just wait. That man will love this boy, and bring him so much joy.
My God, He is a Great God.
Was it really just 2 years ago? Why does it seems I have always been the mother of this beautiful, intelligent miracle?
Did I really come that close to missing one of God's greatest blessings in our lives?
OH, and what did my husband say when I called to tell him I was on my way to pick a 7 month old baby boy? "I can't wait to see him." What did he say when he saw him? "Would you look how cute that boy is" and "Look at all that hair, I think he's the cutest baby boy I've ever seen".
And what did he say 2 months ago, after the adoption was final? "You are my son, my pride and joy. You will be a man after God's own heart."
I wonder if there is another woman who remembers that day as well as I do?

Thursday, July 03, 2008


This is our worship team at church. They have entered the Battle of the Christian Bands, here in our world. They are truly an amazing group of people. Around here they say," They can flat out sang." They wrote the song themselves too.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


This little farm is next to the MIL. For some reason it looks like a good place to raise a boy.
I just love to look at it...and dream.