Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Can you define "OWN"?
I (we) HAVE never had this problem before.
Maybe you have. I've read Min's account and others. But never thought it would happen to me, for some reason.
Maybe because my children are older, look like us, or the moon & stars were just right. I don't know.
I have a new coworker. As introduction (via the person training her) She was told I was a foster parent. "oh, how nice" she says. I smile. Work goes on.
This was a 2 or so weeks ago. In the mean time she's heard me talk about my girls, my grand babies, family in general. Today something was said about me being out of work for The Boys "signing". So we were talking about adoption, and what hoops must be jumped thru, hand stands done, ect. I mentioned that, even though his adoption had taken for what seemed like forever, at least it had not been like, ill-tempered-teenaged girl's adoption. 18 years ago. AND THEN SHE SAID. "Do you have any children of your own?"
I know if I could have seen my face. It would have been one of those, well, I, uhhh, mouth drops open, faces.
She's heard me talk about my 25 yr old daughter, and my 2 more than beautiful grand babies, my typical middle child 21 yr old, and the afore mentioned ill-tempered 18 yr old. And I might add the adorable antics of The Boy.
This person is not a twenty something with nothing rattling around up stairs, or even a forty something.
What I would like to know makes any of them "my own"? Because I got fat & had hours of terrible labor? NO, I can assure you this does not make them my own. It makes me want to smack them when they talk back to me when they're 13!
(for the record 2 are home made & 2 are store bought, yes, I said store bought)
No, REALLY, what makes a child your own?
We did not make ill-tempered girl's adoption a secret nor did we wear it like a badge. We are mommy,daddy, big daughter, middle daughter, youngest daughter and now baby boy. We are your typical all american family. I do what I think any mother does for her children, feed, clothe,shelter, love, yell at & in teen age years make life miserable.
So what do I need to do to make them my own? After 25 years of being a mother I'm starting to doubt my ability to own a child.
What do you do?


Perri said...

That one always riles me -- along with the ever stupid, "Are any of them brother and sister?" Well, yes, stupid cow, that's what adoption does - makes them brothers and sisters!

When asked which ONES are adopted (like they are a special breed to be avoided) I always reply, "I forget."

Anita said...

These "your own" comments always catch me off guard. I do not get that! I'd LOVE to quote perri "yes, stupid cow..." Howling over that!

D, people are clueless and sometimes don't care to be any different. If they only new how ignorant they sound!

*sigh... it's exhausting! Which I had some kind of answer!

Anita said...

Ummm, I mean "wish" I had some kind of answer! Hate typos!

Anonymous said...

Just as irritating to me as the "my own/your own" stuff is the people who assume I'm married to a black man...or that I am/was unfaithful. Not that I have a problem with someone thinking I might have married a black man, but it's just the ASSUMPTION of it all, y'know?

Cracking up at Perri's comment above...stupid cow...and can I just say that "I forget" is a CLASSIC line! Good one, Perri!

Hugs, D...

S said...

wow I was just browsing and found your blog and I am truly amazed that people are this freaking ignorant...but on the other hand I understand...I am 40 and do not have kids yet and everyone that is pregnant leaves me out of the conversation or people assume I do not want any...or I am gay.
well no I just have trouble conceiving....
yeah people are ignorant...