Don't you just hate it when.....

You have a good argument worked up in your head. You've got it all worked out. If they say this, I'm gonna say this. They will see it my way, when I get done with them. They'll be sorry!
I called the Dr office this morning asking what I needed to do to get the Boy's name changed on his medical record & most importantly, get the name changed on his immunization record. Which I need for some reason to get his SS card. They said I had to come in and talk to the medical records clerk & bring my handy dandy adoption decree. So working in the medical field I just knew ms. medical records girl would not be in a good mood, and want me to jump thru every hoop & fire ring available. AND make me wait forever and a day to get the name change on the shot record.
Well, good thing I like crow. she was so nice, took my original adoption decree, and said, "Here let me take a copy of this & I'll be right back". HMM, good, gives me more time to work up, what I'm gonna say when you get mean with me. She comes back and gushes, "Congratulations, Mrs. D, I'll have the nurse call you when they have time to change the name on the shot record, it's Monday you know." I said,"OK, can you take my cell phone #, I really need this for a SS card..." She said, "Oh, have a seat, let me see if they can do this now." After I picked myself up off the floor, I sat down. I didn't want to push my luck. Within 10 minutes she came back. She stuck out a piece of paper and again said"CONGRATULATIONS!" It was his new immunization record with his brand new name on it. I could have kissed her. But my mouth was full....I was eating crow.

LIFE..IN GENERAL

It must be spring in the land of GA*

While out planting tomatoes, I saw the first humming bird. He sprinted to the new petunias, then swept away just as fast. I guess it's time to put out the feeders.

On adoption related news. David's final adoption decree came in the mail. The Atty said not to expect a birth certificate for at least 6 months! Of course we only got 4 certified copies of the decree & are not able to get anymore with out moving heaven & earth & petitioning the court to open the sealed adoption record to get another copy. So needless to say, these decrees are like gold. But of course, everybody under the sun wants a copy "for their files". The doctor,to change names on medical records, the social security office for a ss#, the insurance co. to put him on our Ins. The day care center, ect, ect. But you only get 4 certified copies. Can no one just take a copy of the original? *GEEZ*

Because I Know You Never Can Have Too Much Cute..

We live and breath Backyardigans around here. (note the cup)
If it's not Pablo, it ain't nothing! I hear the music to "my back yard friends" in my sleep.
Myyyyyyyyy Backkkkkkkk Yaaaaaard Friendssssssssss, the BAckyardigansssssss.
Where is Elmo when you need him?

THE PLEAGUE

My house has been pleague free for exactly one year.
(anyone remember my twin pleague carriers?)
Today, one of the pleagues has come back to visit. I did so miss it. The Pink Eye.
Yet another reason to dislike daycare. The boiling cauldron of bacteria & virus' that it is.
I just hope the others do not come back to haunt us. I couldn't stand another round of lice & ringworm. I do believe I would run away, far, far away.

MONTEL

Did anyone watch Montel Monday? Me neither. Kinda.
I hate daytime TV. But it was left on after the Today show went off, so there it was.
As I worked in the kitchen, which I am apt to do. tee hee
I heard adoption and looked and paid semi attention.
He was talking to a couple who had been scammed by an adoption agency. They were telling him how they had been taken for $14,000.00 before they even had been matched with a baby & that they knew something was up when the agency said they might need more money to give officials to "make things move along." But the mother at that point said she did not do it, because she would feel like she would have been buying a baby.
Then the camera moves to Montel, mouth agape, who stated he just could not believe that it would cost that much to adopt a baby. HE SAID. and what reason is there, that 2 people who are good people, who want and can raise a child, just not be given a child who has no parents!!!!!!!!!! and he said a whole lot more but I stopped listening because I wanted to laugh so hard as to pee my pants and then go slap him.
WHAT PLANET DOES THAT MAN LIVE ON?
#1 Those adoptive parents, people if you spend money, that much money, YOU bought it.
Maybe some day, people wont have to mortgage their houses, drain their bank accounts, beg, borrow & steal to adopt, but that time isn't now. I tell my daughter, she is bought and paid for. Twice. I did not sneak in a back alley and pay some underhanded baby stealer for her. But money and alot of it in my 0pinion, did change hands in a legal way. BUT I did pay money for her.
#2 Montel aint right in the head or lives under a rock. Did he really think that's how adoption happens? It would be nice if it was nice and free. Or heck, I'd be happy to just pay court costs.
I do understand the point the woman was making. However, what do you call it when alot of money exchanges hands when you adopt a baby? I call it : my daughter who I paid alot of money for.
And Montel? I wish it wasn't a money making business, but it is. 14 billion I believe was his estimate.
Feel free to give me your opinions. I like learning new things.

IT IS DONE....

Thank you God!

HOW COULD I FORGET?

I can't believe I forgot to tell you!
The baby left as quickly as he came. I got a call Friday afternoon. The SW said,"D, if you can't take all 3, could you bring the baby in at 5:oo today?" I said,"nope, can't take them all, be there at 5:00."
We gathered up his few things and took him in.
The whole time we were there she kept asking if we were sure we didn't want all 3.
They know ALL MY cribs/beds are full. That we have an adoption on Tues. AND it would give me 3 babies under 3 yrs old. Supposed to be a big red flag (for burn out) But I guess it's their job to ask. Mine to say No, when I have to.
So he is back with his sibs, hopefully in a good foster home. I got a feeling they wont be going back home anytime soon. Yet another one to think about and pray for.
I got a great nights sleep Friday night!
I guess it's always good to be reminded of your limits. No school age kids, and no babies that don't sleep thru the night (until I quite work)still no school age kids, public school just gets on my nerves too much!

OPEN VS. CLOSED

Thanks to all of you who answered my nosey question! I promised my answer, so here goes. I hope I don't ramble on...
Our first adoption 18 yrs ago was private. We had no intentions of telling her she was adopted.(she had been with us since she was 5 months old) But because it took 8 yrs the state of Ca. said a child over such & such age had to be aware they were being adopted. We had to tell her. She was 8. We were livid. Livid that we had no choice in how we raised our daughter in that aspect. But what we did have control over is what she knew of the situation she was taken out of. I can tell you, it was bad. We decided her records would be sealed. Not the kind of sealed David's is going to be. But the sealed & burned of the 1950's type. Never to be opened type. I know my daughter & her personality and it really is better for her not to know the whole thing. She knows 90% now. The other 10% no one should ever know.
This is the explanation of David's adoption when I asked if we got a choice.........
David's adoption is considered a closed adoption because his records are sealed at the State office of Adoptions after the finalization. BUT....he can request the information on his birth parents to be able to search them out once he is an adult. The birth parents can contact the State office of Adoptions and say they had a son who was adopted through child services in whatever year and was born in whatever year and then the parents sign a consent to be contacted and if you guys and David want to get the parents' information at that time then the State office will give that to you and David. They will not give the parents the information about where he was adopted or by who.
I guess that is the excepted form of closed.
Will we tell David he is adopted? I don't know.
I know this is a very, very touchy subject. And even though we've had 18 yrs to iron out the wrinkles in the adoption tell or don't tell/why not tell. It's still hard to know what is best. I can tell you, I think my daughter would have been alot better emotionally not to have known. I'm sure any psychologist would argue that point into the ground, but I know her.
Again, thanks for telling me your side of things.
We are looking forward to Tuesday and it's sure not because it's tax day. Although from now on April 15th will be known as David's Day. I'll try to post pictures, if I can remember the camera!

OH YES, 'NOTHER QUESTION

bE HONEST. Is the header photo too much? ARe those eyes too brown? hair too cute, cheeks too chubby? Be honest! now i'm going to sleep in the recliner.
good night.

I'VE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS

IT HAS TO BE A FULL MOON!
I get a call at 7:00pm. They have taken in a sib group of 3. They have placed the oldest but have no where for an 18 month old & 3 yr old. I tell them, call me if NO ONE. (as in no one on the face of this planet) can take the 18 month old. ahhhh, at 9:00 my husband says, well I guess they found a place. Let's go to bed. (he gets up at 3:30am) I stupidly said OK. It's been 2 hours. Then the phone rings.........
"uh D, you know the 18 month old we called you on"
"yea".
"Does it matter he's not 18 months old?"
"Well, how old is he?"
"ummm, he's 6 weeks old"
"Wow, that's a big difference, you couldn't find anybody else?"
"no. The SW that called you, is at the hospital now,doing an intake on a newborn."
OH, well then....I wasn't planning on sleeping for a few days. Even if I do have to work."
"They other SW, said you would bring him to the house since it's so late."
"NO, we can't do that. We have the other 2 at the police station. Can you please come down here? It's getting late."
"REALLY? I HADN'T NOTICED"
We get dressed, go to the police station and there is mom in all her drugged out glory, with 3 kids. Telling the oldest, it's going to be OK, I'll get you tomorrow. ( I know she's on her way to jail, after this exchange happens) WHY? do they do this to their kids? All this "stuff" has happend with SW & cops and now you lie to the kid to boot? And she was old enough to understand. Now they may be all together in one house, but God only knows how long that will take. another of the older kid's concerns, fueled by mom I might add. Saying I don't know how long it will be before you see your baby brother!
I think they had 5 intakes tonight. Where are they all going to go?
We got home about 10:30pm, after mom staggers though telling me how to take care of the baby. Cute little fella, brown hair, chubby cheeks and NO immunizations!! On what she said was a 5 week preemie! un- believe-able. bUT, SHE wants to make sure I know how to take care of the baby. Sad or irritating? I don't know, I've not figured it out after all these years and it happens every time too.
The first SW to call swore, it would only be temporary. (INSERT MANIC LAUGHTER) She said, I could say move him now and it would be SO! Whatever. They do want to keep sib groups together, so since I WILL NOT TAKE the other 2, they may move him soon.
Well it's 12:30am now. He's slept for 1 whole hour and is waking up. I must remember in my no sleep stupor, mommy rule #1. Sleep when they sleep!
More details tomorrow, or I guess make that later today.......... I am too much of a sap or sucker or insert word here!

A SEASONED VIEW ON ADOPTION........

http://oldmixtapes.blogspot.com/2008/03/good-peoples-bad-reasons-for-adopting.html

He pretty much nails it. All romance & show gone.

Just a thought....

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
-Rita Laws PhD

GOODBYE

Today was the day.
The day we sent the 6 yr old boy off to live with his new foster to adopt home. I didn't say much about him, for many reasons. Mostly because I couldn't put into words how screwed up the system made this case and as of this morning's court hearing, STILL messing it up. This boy, had a disrupted adoption 9 months ago, was still having BP visits. Then the adoptive parents got fed up with the system, the Birth family & his behavior and literally took him to DFACS and left him there. Since he was placed with us,(9 months ago) I have begged, pleaded & beat my head against a wall to get him therapy. After 3 yrs in the system, he was living with us, (foster parents), having bi-monthly visits with birth parents he never even remembered living with AND started visiting with a new potential adoptive family! Now tell me, how confusing is that? Need I tell you he had some serious behavior problems, the least of which were temper tantrums when told, NO, or punished (going to bed early) for bad behavior @ home, daycare & school.
I would like to say it was a tearful goodbye. Hated to see him go, what will I do without him goodbye, but I can't.
He went to a wonderful Christian home. It was so perfect for him it was as tho God picked it for him. :) The parents seemed wonderful & capable, loving, giving people. AS a matter of fact, I wish they were my parents!
*long sigh*
I feel so sorry for those people. The honeymoon will be short lived. I told the mother ALL his behaviors. Think the worst actions you can, and this child has them. of course throw in the old failure to attach for good measure. the mother thought it was the greatest thing on earth when after the 2nd visit he was calling them mom & dad and saying I love you. I don't know about you, but that screams & then echos FAILURE TO ATTACH.
I've learned alot from this boy. When they called to place him temporarily with us, I thought how bad can a 5 yr old be? (insert manic laughter here) I learned.....we will not take anything other than what we said 5 yrs ago. birth-3 yrs. I learned.....5 yr olds have problems I've never heard of. I learned....failure to attach kids couldn't care less how mad you get if they pick the molding off ALL the corners they are standing in. I learned...5 yr olds in foster care KNOW there's not a thing you can do to them for any misbehavior. I learned...public school teachers blame you when they kid acts like a child with no proper upbringing. I learned...why I didn't send my kids to public schools. I also learned that love alone does not cure or fix or what ever you want to call it, a broken child. Who "broke" this child, by the way? The birth family, the system, the first adoptive forever parents who took him back to dfacs? Everything combined? I've learned..I've learned, there's alot of stuff I don't know, or know how to fix.
I'm not sad to see him go. Callous as that may seem. But he was not my child. I only protected him til his parents come to get him. I believe these are the parents God intended him to have.
I've learned...I may not be able to do this much longer and have anything left to give my own family. This thing, this system, this seeing what humans are capable of inflicting on each other, up close, may be too much. It drains you emotionally& physically.
I just don't know. All I can do now is pray for this boy and the man he will become and his new family.
*deep heavy sigh*