This CHILD !

Comes up with some of the craziest things he wants to BE. Not pretend to be. But insists he has to BE whatever it is that comes to his mind.
This week, he had to BE a robot. He even sat down at the table and drew all the "things" he would need to become a robot. Unfortunately for Daddy, he's the one that has to implement these ideas the boy comes up with.
At this VERY moment, he is insisting he NEEDS to be a Tank. A real TANK. I'll post more of these ideas the Boy comes up with as soon as I can find all the pictures of
things that ping around in his brain.

What good does it do?

If you make the kids go to therapy (at tax payers expense)and FP* time/expense, because we are not compensated in anyway for therapy trips.
And only use their recommendations when it suits you?
That's exactly what happened in baby #1 case today.
I'm not even going to go into the hell that happened here on Friday. We'll call
it a total disrespectful breakdown of communications and leave it at that.
But today was a FTM^ where (in theory) they heard the therapist* recommendation on
transition*, then after she hung up from the conference call,told all parties that it was a load of BS, and they would proceed with what they intended to do. REALLY, THEY DID.
IF, big IF, we keep doing this, it will have to be with no emotion as to when, how or if it's in their best interest to be *transitioned. If they will not listen to the therapist's recommendations on *transition. My opinion has got less than a snowball's chance.
I keep asking myself how much worse can it get? Bad question...it always gets worse.

Too Much Thinking can drive you nuts

Cindy's last half of a sentence on her blog here made me stop for 30 minutes contemplating more things than I care to think about.
"What made me think I could make a difference?"
Boy #1 will be leaving tomorrow at 6:00pm. 48 Hours notice after 19 months of a long, hard road, just isn't enough time to process anything. We told him he would be leaving to live with so & so. He looked at me for a minute and said "OK" It's a bad time to be moving a *RAD child. First you'll have the all too wonderful honeymoon & then the all consuming idyllic Christmas. I can see a huge crash coming, ohhhhh mid January? When real life kinda kicks in. For both child & adoptive parent.
I have sat here and thought of Cindy's words for some time. Realistically, what difference have I made in his life or any of the lives of the children I take in and care for? This is not a oh poor me, nobody appreciates what I do moment. The question is real, to the gut, real. I offer a roof,bed, food & a hug and things to play with. Period.
To answer Cindy's question. I honest to God can not think of any difference I have made in their lives. Why do I advocate for these children & not even the policy makers follow their own rules. That my friends is the definition of beating your head against a wall.
So, do I settle for not making a difference in their lives. Parking a kid in my house, no emotions shown (because that is what they want) Or do I continue to beat myself up because I feel I have failed yet another child. I don't know if I can do either. But I also don't know if I can NOT open my house up to a child who needs a roof.
Too many things going through my head tonight. And I still have another one of these transitions to make soon enough...

Why am I surprised?

I was given 48 hours notice that baby #1 would be moved permanently to his new home.
With no regard to what the therapist says, or anything else.
Why this continues to surprise me, baffles me. I guess I always think, this time they'll do it right. And every single time they prove me wrong.
I have yelled the wrong doing from the roof top, so to speak, to no avail. I am now hoarse, no voice left with which to yell. If the ones making the rules, will not follow them...my hands are literally tied.
At the very least I know he's going to a good home.

How do you know...

That you go to McDonalds* too much?
When you pull up to Wal*greens prescription window and the 2 yr old yells, " Wanna Chee-burger!"
I have no idea where these kids get this stuff.

Answers, kinda (Updated)

JWG had some good questions, I thought I'd answer. Since frankly, around here, these things could go a million different ways.
The asked:
How long do you think they will be with you? Are they likely to find adoptive homes soon? How good is the agency involved at the transition process? Are they old enough to understand what is happening? So many questions.

Because the kids have been with me anywhere from their entire lives (25 months) to 18 months and their ages will be taken into consideration. I will make sure that the transition is slow with the one that has been with us his whole life. He will have a very a hard time with all this. We are all he has ever known and will not understand.They will start looking for a placement for this child within our county in the next few days is my guess.
The second child already has a placement in place and has been visiting them on a limited based for a couple months. That will be stepped up in the weeks to come. He will be with his new family in 3-6 six weeks is my guess.
The almost 3 year old "kinda" knows he will be going to live with the people he is visiting with. And it is not a problem for him. He loves them to death. They are wonderful people who love him alot. And it will help that we will still be apart of his life.
The child we've had all his life, well that's another story. He does not nor will not understand what will be happening to him. That is why I will fight for an extended transition for him. He is very attached and will not understand why he is leaving mommy & daddy. And because a family has not been identified as a placement, I can't say if we will be able to continue to be apart of his life.
All complicated & a delicate dance of who's the mommy now, where authority lies.
But I will make sure it works out well in the end. A smooth transition is 80% of my job.

Susan asked: Just wondering why you are not going to adopt the little guy you've had since birth?
Well, the simple answer is "I'm done". As far as we are concerned our family is finished. I don't feel either of these kids were meant to be ours. More practically, we can't afford any more children. My husband is nearing retirement we look foreward to some time when it is just us.(not gonna happen anytime soon since the Boy is only 5) I have been a mama since I was 17. I need a rest. sometimes I must admit I grow weary from all the demands put on me as a mother, a MeMe, wife, employee & foster mother. But God has been known to have a sense of humor. I never thought God would give me a son at age 40. So who knows what He has up his sleeve.

Wow

Mama #2 will voluntarily sign her rights over.
Nothing in this crazy world ever makes sence.
But now I know my boys will have good homes.

one down

One *TPR down...one more to go. Hopefully the judge will be in the same mood on friday.
These babies deserve the very best homes. Mom #1 just walked away, didn't show for court. Friday will be interesting.

Go Figure

Both of the Bmothers for my 2 little ones have dropped off the face of the earth.
One has been "working" her case*plan for 2 yrs and the other 20 months.
*poof* Gone. They could have saved us all alot of grief and done it along time ago. Not to mention they could have been in great adopt!ve homes long ago.
I'll never understand.

Too Cute

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/home

I used this site last year too.
The Boy loved it! It's free or you can buy a permanent link to it.
They will send you an email with the video link.

FIVE

Now!


Birthday #3

Birthday #1



Totally impossible
There's no way this boy can be 5 years old.
No way he can be this smart and this handsome.
Thank you Rebecca.

last years post: http://blakesmeme.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html

Happy Thanksgiving

Look Mommy

I'm a gross boy!

Episencial

Kinda sounds like a word you should know, but just can't remember.

It's not. It's a new line of organic baby skin care.

From body butter to bubble bath, each affordable product is made with all-natural and organic ingredients, designed to be gentle on young skin. Plus, the super cute recycled packaging features illustrations by Eric Carle (The Very Hungry Caterpillar).
Beautifully packaged in recycled and sustainable materials which are both phthalate and BPA free.
This line includes a Playful Foaming Wash, Soothing Cream, Better Body Butter, Protective Face Balm and Sunny Sunscreen SPF 35 and a diaper rash cream.
All reports from the moms at the party say they love it. One little girl with eczema says it's the only thing that has made her skin feel better.
I know we sure love it here.

Want to find out more about it; www.episencial.com

Never go to bed

With a potato chip clip in your hair.
It makes for UGLY bed head!
Don't ask how the Boy fell asleep with chip clip in his hair or even how or why it got there....you'd never believe me.

I feel sick, really sick

Things are gonna change around here. Or should I say words.
I follow alot of *foster/adoption* blogs, like alot of you do.
But recently I've noticed they've just went away without explanation.
Tonight while following a few "do you know what happened to.."questions and links, I found the reason most of these blogs just turned the lights out.
They were found by *bfamlies* or *sW* or depts* ect. And deemed "irresponsible" or a danger, ect, ect. Had their kids taken away, license pulled & big law suits filed.
I realized after I followed info on one of the *blogs that not only were they in my *state, but county*.
I have very recently made my share of &Sw* MAD. So I will not push my luck.
I can't say if what they*thefostr*family were doing was right, wrong or otherwise. But what I will say, is I will not make the hunt theydfacs* seem to be on, any easier.
Yes, we have the freedom to speak our minds...never mind, I'm not even going to go there.
I just want to let you know, I know how to spell (some times) & how to use spell checker, but words may look a little funny around here and you will probably have to read between the lines, but you'll get the idea. I've tried to go back and fix the last year's posts because I've gotten pretty lazy with names/initials.
Some of the stories are horrifying. I don't know if this is a new "witch hunt" or not. Because the stories I found were from all over, not just around here.
Have any of your favorite blogs just "went away"?

It's that time of year again

I'm just going to say I'M SORRY & I couldn't help myself. OK?

Who can find a Boy cuter than this?

To counteract the bad...

NO, I'm not proud. Why do you ask?

Someone asked my opinion

But it didn't feel so good to give it.
Both my babies are at the point of *TPR or *reunification.
I knew I had to testify, I just didn't know what day. It turned out to be today.
I was drilled by 4 attys. I answered all the usual yes or no questions. Because, really, they don't want to know my opinion. I just raise the kids. So who am I?
But one atty asked my opinion on whether or not the baby should be returned to his mother or go to the prospective adoptive parent.(the child has been in care almost 2 yrs, long enough for her to get her stuff together) I was floored. In 6 years no one has EVER asked my opinion. I have a good rapore with the bmom, so I knew at that moment I would no longer be her confidant and she would be beyond angry at me. And she would have every right to do so.
But I was under oath. I have never told her I thought the child should be with her. I've told her to fight to the bitter end for her child, never give up. For nothing else than her own peace of mind. She has grown as a person alot in 20 months. But this baby doesn't have time to wait for her to grow up and be a decent parent. He needs a mother now. A home now.
Before I answered I asked the atty, "you are asking for my personal opinion, correct?" they said "yes". So I gave them my personal opinion.
The baby would be better off physically, emotionally, psychologically, ect with the adoptive parents. The look on bmom's face was complete devastation. For that I am very sorry. But she has no place to live, no job, no transportation. She's no closer to working a caseplan* than the day he came into care. I want even go into her choice of abusive men in her life.
I've always wanted "the powers that be" to HEAR what I have to say in the matter of these babies. Now I have seen the face of the ones that my opinion effects. It doesn't mean I'm sorry for what I believe is best for the babies, because in my book they come first. They loose something no matter what.
I guess what I'm trying to say is as a mother, I can't imagine hearing from somebody that they don't think I'm good enough to raise my own child.
I'm sorry she had to hear me say those things. Even if they are true.
Giving my opinion was more emotionally draining than I ever thought it would be.
I'm glad I'm not a judge.