Thursday, March 11, 2010

Do You Remember??

Do you remember this post from almost exactly 2 years ago?

Of course you don't...go read it. Then come back.

OK, you back?
I nailed it 2 yrs ago. They were desperate to adopt. He was adorable & intelligent.
And LOVE conquers all. Right?
No, it doesn't. It doesn't cure RAD, ADHD, harm done by drugs in the womb. Or things that happened in his short life before coming into care.
I told the adoptive parents EVERY THING. EVERY behavior, things that were not in any report they'd ever see. They went ahead with the adoption.
I'd had no contact with them after the first month because they were across the state. I assumed their lives were good. I knew his behaviors, as bad as they were, so young, would not just stop. But they were beside themselves with idealism. How do you break through the euphoria of that? You don't.
Our county received a call for placement for a dissolved adoption...
All I do is scream into the wind, no one listens to what we know as foster parents.
I wish I'd have been wrong. very wrong.


Kellie with an "ie" said...

Oh my Lord - this is so heartbreaking.

The Brothers said...

That sucks. I was once a newb in this system and I remember thinking that once a Mama was found that would love, truly LOVE the child, all the bad things would disappear. *Sad smile*. God, help those parents and the little one.

Lynn said...

Sobering. All I can say is, sobering. That is the most sobering and pitiful thing I have read in awhile. How truly sad. Perhaps the loving foster care will be the only anchors that will help these children attach some how, some way, when they're grown.


Mothering4Money said...

I had to go back and read the older post. Apparently I began reading you after that time. Such a sad situation for the child. I wish there was a way to break through the rose tinted glasses of well meaning but extremely naive foster/adoptive parents. If the system could have been more honest about his issues and set up help before the transition to adoptive home, AND reduced the confusing visit schedule, the placement might have had a fighting chance. So, so sad. With every disruption, with every move, it worsens the RAD.

It frustrates me when people won't listen to us because we are "just foster parents" as if that means we have no professional qualifications (i feel like waving my degrees around yelling SEE i am knowledgeable on this subject). Yet our training is often times more extensive than the workers. Our hands-on experience should count for something. We may not be able to diagnose officially, but we can sure as shit see when something ain't right.

And the school system believes anything and everything the kid says. Mean old foster parent won't give me snack money (because she gave you a drink and food item to take in your bag) so teacher contacts counselor and gives foster kid money. Foster kid then takes money and buys drugs/alcohol/cigarettes. Or foster kid goes to counselor and tells exaggerated tales about horrible life then reveals plan to run away and get married. Counselor doesn't contact foster parent because she feels kid is better off leaving the foster home.

And yes, everyone from doctors to counselors to SWs to teachers thinks it's the foster parents fault for the child's issues/behaviors even though we just got the child a week prior.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here. You are right, it is draining.

I hope this boy is able to find stability.

Anita said...