Thursday, May 10, 2012

I shall sit and type and spill my guts

If this thing doesn't shut down/drop the stupid post.(yes, I know stupid is a bad word, but The Boy can't read this yet)
I do not like this new whatever that is going on with blogger. I do not like posting on the lap top. It stinks.
I have officially hit my rock bottom with the fost3r*c@re system. I now have a bad attitude and quite frankly don't care. Not that I don't care about the kids or what happens to them. But I don't care to be apart of it anymore. My county in particular does not care about the FP.
(Ok, it just ate 2 paragraphs)
I know that our foster*careSystem is flat broke. I get that, I know that. But I am not your cab driver, nor your nanny. I can't and won't ferry one child to four visits per week with 3 different relatives. That is 4 visits with each relative. There is not enough time in a day. Neither do they care that if I did care to delve into that kind of insanity, MY family, job, so-called life would cease to be.
Do I understand that it is best for a child to see & maintain a relationship with their families? Absolutely! But I am one person. I can not do this. If by chance you have more than one child in your home that are not siblings, if it is so decreed, you would have to do that for each child. And this is just a tiny fraction of what they are asking us to do. I would have to work 2 jobs just to put enough 4.00 a gal. gas in my car to do all those visits. (no, we are not given a gas/mileage allowance)  And the therapy appts & dr appts, ect.
I don't see how this is going to end well (in our county). I see it collapsing like a house of cards. The frustrating part is that I have tried to make a difference and it is impossible. Maybe I can say I made a difference in the life of one or two children and that will be difference enough. I'm afraid it will have to be.
They have won. I do not care to live my life this way anymore.
As I type this, it sounds horribly selfish. I know there are more FP in the trenches and if everyone just stops when it gets impossible WHO will be there for the kids?
But I have a family too. One who at the end of the day I am too emotionally &  physically drained to do anything with or for. What good is that?
So I am done, finished, gave all I had. They will want to come this month for our yearly recert of our home. I will say no, then within days move the Behemoth to another home.


Mari said...

Very sad! And no - you do not sound selfish. You sound like someone who is tired of fighting. This system stinks!

StarfishMom said...

You put my feeling into words. I am emotionally exhausted after dealing with bios and transporting 2 days a week for visits. It gets to be alot. I can't remember the last time I made dinner for my family or was energized enough to do something WITH them ( not just take them somewhere and let them have fun). We go to court for Sprout this month. I'm thinking we're on our last legs here too. Don't get how people can do this year after year...