Friday, February 03, 2012

People, I am Weary

I have only been tired in the past.

Now I find I am truly weary. Tired of body, mind & spirit. Weary.
Sometimes I feel like doing just what the Boy is doing in the first picture. Lay on the floor in the sun & tell everybody to go away.

These last two kids seem to really be taking it's toll. The bparents* have lost visitation*rights less than 2 months into it. I never thought the Peeing issue would be a biggie for me (if I ever took that age group) The 5+ yr old just keeps on peeing. Kids at school making fun of her. No big deal. Promises of mani/pedi's. Not enough. Getting to finally play soccer (that she's begged for, for 2 months,) gets me more pee. The best child psych. I've seen around these parts, once a week...she lies to her, blatantly(I'm sure the dr sees through her). Dr says take something from her that she really loves. There is nothing to take. She doesn't care. They've realized no one is going to *beat them or pour scalding*water on them, and so HEY, life is good. The most you'll get around here is going to bed early. When you've never even slept in a bed, only on a hard floor, how bad can that be? Plus you can always sneak and play with your toys.

Defiant, these kids are the definition of O.D.D*. I say please don't unroll that much toiletpaper. They will both look at me with a snear and keep on rolling it off. Are you kidding me? 3 & 5. What will they be like at 10,15 or 18. I don't want to know.

I'm not at the "come get them now" stage, but I am seriously thinking this might be the straw that broke the foster*parents back. And we bow out of this crazy world we've been living in for 7 yrs. Or maybe a very long break is needed. Weary is not a good place to be.


StarfishMom said...

Arizona and LiL Man were the same way for us...and they were only 1 and 2 when we got them. So sad. The lack of parenting and what they witnessed in their home truly damaged them for life. I only lasted 6 months before I made the 'come & get them' call. I was so hard. I know that I am called for the 0-3 group but I cannot, in good conscience, take on children older than 1. The did't stay in car seats or the double stroller. They made holes in walls and colored with markers on my stairs. I was SO weary. My kids asked me to make them leave. It got THAT bad!! So sorry you're going through this. I had to fight for daycare just to get a break. My heart goes out to you. xox

Mari said...

You are a better person than me - it takes someone special to handle this at all! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and it is frightening to think what they will be like as teenagers.


I lasted 14 years. Not sorry I left. Sounds like your little ones have major RAD.

Mama Or Not said...

I know how strong you are and I know that if you get to the point where you call to have them moved, it won't be for lack of trying to make it work. Hang in there. I'm always here for you!

Anonymous said...

call while you can! we finalized ours and the behaviors have only gotten worse. as horrible as it is to say, biggest mistake of my life. some children, through no fault of their own, are simply not able to live in families. they need years of intensive management ( and still the outcomes are poor). it does not get better. really. make the call, feel the guilt, but make it.