Monday, November 01, 2010

Someone asked my opinion

But it didn't feel so good to give it.
Both my babies are at the point of *TPR or *reunification.
I knew I had to testify, I just didn't know what day. It turned out to be today.
I was drilled by 4 attys. I answered all the usual yes or no questions. Because, really, they don't want to know my opinion. I just raise the kids. So who am I?
But one atty asked my opinion on whether or not the baby should be returned to his mother or go to the prospective adoptive parent.(the child has been in care almost 2 yrs, long enough for her to get her stuff together) I was floored. In 6 years no one has EVER asked my opinion. I have a good rapore with the bmom, so I knew at that moment I would no longer be her confidant and she would be beyond angry at me. And she would have every right to do so.
But I was under oath. I have never told her I thought the child should be with her. I've told her to fight to the bitter end for her child, never give up. For nothing else than her own peace of mind. She has grown as a person alot in 20 months. But this baby doesn't have time to wait for her to grow up and be a decent parent. He needs a mother now. A home now.
Before I answered I asked the atty, "you are asking for my personal opinion, correct?" they said "yes". So I gave them my personal opinion.
The baby would be better off physically, emotionally, psychologically, ect with the adoptive parents. The look on bmom's face was complete devastation. For that I am very sorry. But she has no place to live, no job, no transportation. She's no closer to working a caseplan* than the day he came into care. I want even go into her choice of abusive men in her life.
I've always wanted "the powers that be" to HEAR what I have to say in the matter of these babies. Now I have seen the face of the ones that my opinion effects. It doesn't mean I'm sorry for what I believe is best for the babies, because in my book they come first. They loose something no matter what.
I guess what I'm trying to say is as a mother, I can't imagine hearing from somebody that they don't think I'm good enough to raise my own child.
I'm sorry she had to hear me say those things. Even if they are true.
Giving my opinion was more emotionally draining than I ever thought it would be.
I'm glad I'm not a judge.


Mari said...

What a tough situation to be in. I'm so glad you were honest though. You're right when you say the babies come first.

StarfishMom said...

It must have been hard to say it and even harder for her to hear it BUT we're not doing this for the bio parents. It's for the babies that need stability and consistency for the rest of their lives. :/

Mothering4Money said...

I'm sorry. Sounds rough.

Anonymous said...

So hard.


I've had 14 years as a foster mom and years as a nurse testifying and it is NEVER easy.

Anonymous said...

sounds like the b mother needs a foster family, too. the circle of life, it goes way back, one leads to another. wishing you luck.