Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Where To Start?

If this goes all over the place, blame it on DFACS*, they made it that way.
Let's go back about 2 months ago when I only had 1 (one) foster child, Baby Weepy.We planned on taking The Boy & The Grandson to ride Thomas the Tank Engine about 2 hours away. I asked for respite care for baby weepy, just 8 or 10 hours. Not over night, not for the weekend, just for the day. I gave them 2 MONTHS notice, so I wouldn't have to worry about not getting anybody to do it, or them saying I hadn't given enough time. I bought the tickets 2 months ago at 22.00 a pop. Not cheap for a 25 minute train ride, 2 hours away. Then came Baby K, I told his SW at placement I would need respite for that time. No problem, she says. Then came Baby Weepy's baby sister. I let the SW know again via Email to please not forget I needed respite for the day. No reply. The day gets closer. All the SW's in our area are off on Friday's because of the budget cuts. Thursday night they called and said, "we can't find anybody, can't you take them with you?" Need I tell you I was upset? On Friday morning Baby K's SW calls to say she found someone to watch him. Ok, one down, 2 to go. Baby Weepy & company's SW never called back. When I called the person about Baby K, I told her my story and she so graciously offered to do the newborn too. But did not have the space for another car seat, which is understandable. So I was left to deal with what to do with Baby Weepy. The knowledge that 2- 3 year olds and 1- 2 year old WILL MELT DOWN on a long trip made me just want to forget the whole thing. Then I was angry. Realizing that they could not care less about me or my family and what we do for these kids. All I was asking for was an 8 hour break. They wouldn't even see to it that we got that. (What do you think they will do/say in November when I WILL be going on a 10 day vacation?) So we were stuck taking him with us.
After I had delt with this all day on Friday:
THEN Friday night we were called by a complete stranger from some shelter where Baby Weepy's Bmom is, wanting us to bring them down for a VISIT. HELLO, she popped positive when she came back from the state she ran to after she had the baby. If she's in a non-lock down shelter waiting to go into state paid for rehab AGAIN, chances are she's used after she came back here. I told the nice person that I didn't think so. What ever visitation that went on would be supervised by dfacs* and transported by same.
OH, to add to all that I was put on 90 days probation at work (something I've never been thrugh) Because I have used all my vacation & sick days on Baby Weepy and all his medical problems. That was all gone by the end of Jan. Now every time they call me to come get him from daycare, which is 3 or 4 times a week, it's with no pay. Plus a very upset supervisor. I understand their position. They hired me to do a job and it's not being done. I relayed this to the SW who said, "let me call them, I can change their minds." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can't take another day off for 90 days. I have a kid too, that gets sick or needs to be taken here or there. This is just gotten way out of control. And they don't care. They do not care about me or my family, the stress it puts on us or anything else for that matter. I am nothing but a place to drop kids. The system does not care if it destroys your family, as long as the kids have a place to go. Now, they are upset with me that I want allow them to call my employer.
The fact is, I can't continue on with them not caring about the stress and strain they create by not helping me with respite or just return phone calls. They don't care my job is on the line. Or the fact I have 4 kids under the age of 3.
I'm afraid I had to ask that they move Baby Weepy & sister. I know that's bad. I feel bad about it. But at some point in all this I have to consider my family & my sanity. We have to have a life too. I can't continue this madness. Baby Weepy's health issues would be a huge load if he was the only kid I had. But with 3 more...they get sick too, need dr appts too.
I can't keep everybody happy. What I must do is remember not to neglect MY family, which is what has been happening for months.
They are not happy with me. I guess there goes foster parent of the month* for us. I was looking forward to the plastic trophy.


Lovingmyamazinglife said...

Well,my 1st thought was "Can I help you and take him and respite him for you?" We are close enough by to help out.But,then as I read on I feel your frustration and don't want to get drawn into the mess and be doing them a favor. They should be providing respite,transportation.But we know it does not work out that way.We are also being side swiped by kiddos workers right now,just things that make no sense.About the former fosters.It makes me sad,as I wish this was an uncommon event,but it seems we are all mistreated and exposed to things that clearly make no sense.Your family and job security have got to come 1st right now.Thats nothing to be ashamed of.Wish I could offer you more help,just let me know if I can.

Kellie with an "ie" said...

You absolutely shouldn't feel bad about requesting the move - not even for a moment. You have to do what's best for you and your family. Period. And the SW has never been remotely accommodating re: Baby Weepy and the time all his medical needs have taken up. How are you supposed to work with someone who won't work with you? Seems to me your hands were tied.

Here's hoping that your spring and summer are much quieter and more relaxing than they would have been. You deserve it.

Anonymous said...

You do what you need to do. But make sure as many people as high up as possible know why.

Kathy's Korner said...

Oh. My. Word.


These people have LOST their minds!! Did they forget that you are a volunteer and you are HELPING them out?? Not the other way around.

Oh. My.

It is sad that baby Weepy has to find a new place to be...but not your fault in the slightest!! His SW should have come if nothing else and they should be greatful that you could care for him as long as you DID!

(Sitting here shaking my head)

Perri said...

Good for you. A person can only take so much before they break and I can hear you cracking.

And I mean that in the nicest way. They expect too much because they know you'll do it.

The Brothers said...

Please don't tell me that YOU'RE feeling guilty. Please. You're doing your job, D. They aren't.
You've done MORE than your share for the system AND all these kids. Weepy and Weepy Jr. will be fine and God's got this completely under control - remember , it's not up to you whether they stay or go. GOD decides that, and manipulates circumstances to make sure they go where HE wants them. You've done your part in this, friend. And you've done a darn good job.

Susan said...

When I thought I would have to give notice on Samantha, it killed me, but I knew that I couldn't go on and Honey was DONE. If they hadn't moved her when they did with almost notice, I would not have lasted another week. You need to protect your ability to continue protecting children. You may keep these kids and help them but at what cost? Could/would you continue once they are gone on the DFS timeline? Can you continue to protect children if you are unemployed because you've missed so much work? If you are in it for the long haul, you need to take a long picture of the situation. Sometimes what is best is what is hardest. Pray over them and let them move on.

D said...

Thank you guys. I needed to hear every one of these comments.
I feel so bad disrupting a placement.
But I know it's best for my family and ultimatly them. I just know how upset Baby Weepy is going to be...and my boy too. they love to play together.
Keep us & them in your prayers.

The Accidental Mommy said...

WOw, I can't believe a SW offered to call your employer.... to excuse your absences...? Uh, reality please?
Hoping it all works out for you and your kids!

Anita said...

(((D))) Huge giant hug for you, D. I know nothing I say will make anything better, except maybe "I understand."