Thursday, August 28, 2008

Why do I expect something different from the same people?

Define stupid.
Doing the same things over & over the very exact same WAY,with the exact same People and expecting Different Results. Now who is stupid? Me or Them? Me, that's who.
Because, each and every time I expect they will do things differently THIS TIME. This time they will do it right. This time they'll do what's best for the child. This time they'll do it like the "book" says it should be done. THIS TIME. In five years This Time has not come. Nor does it look like it will happen This Time.
Remember I told you about the Boy's "Siser"? We knew the time would be soon that she would be transitioning to her new permanent placement with relatives. WE knew this was coming. But common sense & the state says there should be a transition time for the child, into the new home. Granted she has visited once a week for 1 1/2 hours for 3 months. But she does not know them. It's like we leave her once a week for an hour to run to the store or something. No overnights or weekends. We know this is the best placement for her, we don't argue that point. We WANT her to go to this relative. We think they are wonderful. But give a kid a break. We've had her since since she was 6 months old & she is now 21 months old. To her, we are her parents.
Soooooooo, I get a call from the sw saying no visit would be needed this month, because they were just going to go ahead and move her to this placement on Friday! Yes, this Friday. 2 days notice. She called at 6:00 last night.
I just told her I thought that was pretty crappy. The poor kid wouldn't know what hit her.
I asked why no transition time and she actually said,"oh, well, I just don't see kids doing transitions anymore, it's just boom, there you are." YOU have got to be kidding me. I told her of the 6 yr old we had & the transition time he was allowed. and reinerated the fact that I thought the Girl would get the short end of the stick if they did it this way & in general told her of my concerns about attachments later on, if this placement did not work, because she is still a legal risk.(since dad has decided to work a case plan after 2 yrs) Finally she said,"you may be right, I'll have to ask my supervisor tomorrow though".
All that we do to keep these kids safe, protected & loved. ALL OF IT! The appointments, the people in and out of your house all the time. Ask permission to do this, go there. And for What?
So they can yank them up at moments notice to do what ever THEY feel is right and good. Don't bother asking or informing the person who cares for them 24/7 their opinion.
I don't want a medal or praise, not even a thank you is needed. Reimburse me for diapers and let me know what is going on in the CASE and treat the kids like they have some kind of rights.
Why do I get so upset every time they do this? It's not like they don't always do it this way. They are pretty consistent in screwing things up.
I honestly wonder if they ever think of the child as being an actual child with feelings and emotions. Or if they just think of them as a case load to be presented before a judge to see if all their paper work was done correctly.
I really am the stupid one.


Anonymous said...

Oh D, I'm so sorry to hear this. But really, you're NOT stupid. We have no choice but to trust the system because it's all there is.

I sincerely hope they do the right thing for this little one. Just because your caseworker doesn't see other CW's giving transition periods doesn't mean that's the right way to do it! Talk about lazy-butt social work.

And I can't BELIEVE they're going to let b-dad do a caseplan this late in the game! Where on earth are this child's rights to a stable and permanent home??? In OH, after 12 months, there's a requirement to file for permanency and tough nuts to anyone who hasn't gotten their act together in time. Is there something similar down where you are? Unbelievable.

Oy. And you know, although you talk a tough game, I'm sure it isn't the easiest thing for your heart, either, knowing that a child who has been with you for so long is going to (maybe) leave you forever in just two short days. Oh man.

Praying for all of you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Min,
In theory there is a 12 month dead line thing. But in reality...NO. Remember the 6 yr old boy? 3 years, 3 whole years he waited & wilted. TPR was just granted in his case. David's case, a clear case of abandonment.. 2yrs. go figure.

Susan said...

The 12 month thing is a federal mandate but there isn't any accountability. In our county there are very few workers that view them as kids or foster parents as human. We are all just files to be moved from pile to pile. Why do I do this again?

Lovingmyamazinglife said...

I'm sorry.I know when we had our sib placement of (3)almost a year straight,they gave us a 15 min call prior to coming,and then about 30 mins to pack the 3 of them up,all their toys,belongings,pictures,art work,and tell them why they were not staying.So much was left behind,and sadly I will never see them again to give it to them.Or ever be able to express that,we would not have handled things this way,they are not disposable to us.Your post got me all fired up again.

Liz said...

arggghh, what a load of crap. i think that hands down - the HARDEST thing about being a foster parent is dealing with case workers and their decisions.
i am so sorry for this poor girl.

and jill, i didnt realize you had your sibs for so long- that is very heartbreaking. i can see why you dont want legal risk placements. th

Anita said...

D, I'm sorry, but yes it is stupid to think the system will do the right thing by a child. I've never heard of it happening! (Sorry, I'm having a bad day myself!)

But don't be too hard on yourself! Direct your anger where it's warranted on the people who are responsible, those who look at children as "just a job." And then PRAY for Siser! ALL of this really stinks! All the failures at the price of children!

Mothering4Money said...

My heart breaks for that little girl. Why can't "the system" protect the kids, like they are supposed to? It's maddening.