Wednesday, May 12, 2010

If I had All The Right Answers...They still wouldn't listen

Let's see if I can put this down so that this makes sense to more than just me.

This week I had a 8FamilyTeamMeeting for one of my babies.
A drastic change has taken place in a plan that should be well on it's way to 8TPR. 15 months in care is long enough. But mom & dad have not really bothered til now...Mom got the help she needed to have had 2 yrs ago. So she's in a *safehouse. Dad is a complete butthead & has anger issues out the wazoo. But now that mom has the new "*safety plan" things will probably start over for her, time wise.
In my mind, I find this "not fair" to the child. (After arguing with the dad in the *FTM) I kept thinking he deserves better than this. He deserves a chance at life. He doesn't deserve to be raised by ignorant people. What good will it do him to be with mom in a safehouse* What kind of life is that?
She still would not have finished her case plan if they put the child in there with her.
I fumed about the changes all the way home. It stewed in my brain for hours...still is.
Then it occurred to me. My "job" here is not to decide how or where he is to be raised.That right is only reserved for my own children. Heck, all parents are "ignorant" in some way while raising a child. I guess no one has that "book". I'd like to borrow it if you do.
I was thinking about all the things he would not have. The big play set outside, a wonderful daycare staff that loves him, his favorite foods, clean clothes ect,ect. Then I thought, "what will he have?" He will have a mother that really does love him.Just no idea how to parent very well. As a 17 yr old mother, trust me, I didn't know my butt from a hole in the ground. My 27 yr old had a far different mother than my 4 yr old. We learn, we grow, and hopefully change ourselves for the better over time. Maybe all this girl needs is time and practise and a little help.
*reunification is the one ever told me I got to set the terms.
It's not my business if she will give him koolaid instead of 100% juice or that she let's him have candy. Our mothering styles are different.
I have come to know there are NO right answers in this crazy thing we live in called foster*care. I have to take care of them while they are here & let God take care of the rest.


StarfishMom said...

SOOO much easier said than done... :*( I have never experienced conflicting emotions MORE than I have dealing with D*S*S.

Eva Carper said...

very well said, I have to remind myself of that everytime there is something I don't agree with

Endless Foster Love said...

Very well said....