Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm Not even going to pretend to name this post...

Do you have "team meetings" for your foster children?
It's where everyone involved with the case meet and in theory talk about where the case is going and what the bfamily needs to do to get their children back, ie-- stop doing drugs.
Usually in attendance is: the case worker, the casa, the foster parent, the bparent/family and a "family advocate" (still not real sure where they fit in). I've worked with this family advocate before and she is all about reunification and she's great with the families.
I usually just sit there and let the others do their thing. They tell the bparent what needs to be done, what they've done so far and based on their history with dfacs* if it will be a concurrent or reunification case.
This is where it gets interesting...I always try to go to these meetings because this is where you learn what is REALLY going on.
When it's my turn to talk, I tell them I had her first child in care 4 yrs ago. At which point she interjects "yea, I know I was in prison then, but I didn't know your name. You gots my boy now?" I say "ummmm, NO. We were not the couple IN THE COURT ROOM WITH YOU when he was adopted 3 years ago." I go on to tell them how well Baby K is doing and what a good baby he is. AT this point she feels free to tell us how hard she tried with Baby K...only doing drugs occasionally, and only one time did she forget where she left him. She tried really hard...in the 3 months she had him. (He's 4 months old now)
I tell her to just work her case plan and I was sure she would be taking her baby home soon. blah, blah, blah, I'm sure is what she heard.
BECAUSE here is where she lets the room know, if all she has is 6 months to work a case plan (because of her history with & loss of a child for the same reasons 4 yrs ago) she didn't know how she could do it all ---ALL being get a job, keep it, find a decent place to live and a car--
BECAUSE she's 3 months pregnant. She goes on to say she doesn't know why or how this always happens to her. She just picks the worst guys. ( I guess she's never heard of birth control, in whatever form) or heck stay away from guys for more than 3 weeks after giving birth.
I'm just a prude like that, I guess.
Unfortunately,all these meetings go about the same. Same story, same outcome. I know this story plays out all over the United States every day. What's going on? Why are these women making a choice to not parent their children? and yes, I believe it is a choice. When you do something 2,3,4 or more times, it's a choice.
I swear I'll never understand the way they think.
Am I being too critical? No, really you can be honest.

7 comments:

Lovingmyamazinglife said...

That crazy storm knocked out our internet,so I am just catching up. Thats crazy shes pregnant yet again.So sad for these kids.As bad as it sounds i wish they would not shoot for reunification in cases like this,and start finding this child a forever home,instead of messing him up more.

tubaville said...

With my three kids, none of which are blood related, they have a grand total of 19 or 20 biological siblings. All of them were removed separately...ALL of them were "parented" by the bio parents for a period of time after all the others were removed. then reunified, then brought back into care, then reunified, then brought back into care. There comes a point, especially after, oh, kid number 3, that someone SOMEWHERE would say, "This mom is not going to be able to parent her kids". Not 9 kids down the line, then reunify 3 times, then SLOWLY TPR.

So, no, you are not being too critical from my perspective.

Perri said...

I go to FTM all the time as a CASA and they drive me bonkers.

On the foster side, Wesley's birth mom has had 6 kids - 6 dads - has custody of none of them.

Cheryl said...

Um, NO! Not too critical. Definitelty not too critical. That type of stupidity should be criminal...literally.

Kellie said...

Not even CLOSE to being too critical. I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head right along with you.

The Brothers said...

Your kidding me. She shouldn't even be messing around with ANY guy before the 6 week check-up!
Sooo, the next logical question is: are you going to take the new one?
Sheesh. What a mess.

Mothering4Money said...

OMG! You have GOT to be kidding me. Absolutely ridiculous!

No way could I have been as nice in the meeting, no way.