What I did not expect

The Behemoth left as scheduled on 5/31.
I was not sad. My back,neck & shoulder were very grateful. I do feel bad for whomever took him, because I know they were not truely informed of all his behaviors and needs.
I have been doing this for more than 7 years. I have never gone more than a week without having
a foster*child in my home for all of those 7 years.
I have always felt at *dfacs* beck and call. Always felt my house must look a certain way if by chance they drop by unannounced. Felt horrible guilt or fear or both if a child was hurt in my care. Because what if they thought I had harmed the child. Oh the horror stories I have heard of lives wrecked because of false allegations. I always felt guilty if I took an hour to go to the store by myself, get my hair cut,nails done, ect. What if I ran into them and they wanted to know where a child was? (of course they were always with my husband or daycare) But I always felt my time and even my life were not my own, that I had to in some way answer to them no matter what I was doing. They may very well not have cared at all what I was doing as long as the kids were taken care of in the manner deemed fit by them. But it was my perception, therefore my reality.
When planning a well deserved vacation or just a weekend get-a-way with family I felt like a servant going to them with hat in hand to beg to be let free if only for a week. They had a way of making you feel like dirt to actually leave the child/ren behind to rest your body and spirit. And rarely did they make the arrangements in a timely manner, so that you were close to a breakdown when they finally called 8 hours before you were to leave to say they had *respite care arranged for you.
What I did not expect was a TOTAL weight lifted from me. A fear of being "blamed" for a child's injury. Or of my house not being good enough, clean enough.
I no longer have to have to make sure that my family's plans do not interfere with a child's dr,therapy, or visitation appointments. We can actually go out to dinner if we wish. It is a new feeling. One I have not experienced in so many years, I have forgotten how it feels to be free.
I did not expect the great PEACE that came with the decision to close our house.
P.S On the home searching front we have put in a bid on a little farm that was
accepted! They are to

do their part of the paperwork on Monday. I pray this closing will be VERY fast!