Monday, March 31, 2008

I HAVE A QUESTION, YOU CAN BE HONEST.......

I have been reading several "older adoption" or just plain adoption sites. Several times this month I have read articles or opinions on open VS closed/sealed adoptions.
Some of the articles & opinions are very strong. I know most any issue regarding adoption bring out very strong feelings & opinions. Opinions are like belly buttons, we all have one. Yours may be different than mine, so it doesn't make it right or wrong.
I've never delved too deep into why someone would choose open vs closed adoption. I guess I always thought it was a matter of how you wanted to raise your family. I KNOW there is the issue of family health history. I KNoW this. As a nurse & an adoptive mother I KNOW this facet of the issue. I've been the one to ask for detailed history of family health, and got" I'm adopted, I don't know" & I've been the one to have to say," I only know the maternal side, she's adopted".
What is your opinion on Open VS Closed or sealed and WHY??
You tell me, then I'll tell you why I have one of both!

4 comments:

Perri said...

Wesley's adoption is open - but his bio mother still doesn't have much contact.

Carly and Ryan have contact with their bio paternal grandmother but that is the only relative they see. I allowed this because from everything I could tell from reading the history and talking to SW and foster mom, she had only their best interest at heart. They are not allowed to have any contact with her son though and she knows if they do - she won't see them again.

Mindy said...

Well, technically speaking, both of our adoptions are open. Both birth families know our names, know the kids' adoptive names, know where we live, and have (or have had in the past)our phone numbers.

With Girly's family, we live in the same town as most of them since it was a foster adoption from our home county. We run into many of them in the stores where we shop and eat, etc. BUT, the only regular contact we have is with Girly's 20-year-old half sister and 13-year-old half brother. The reason for this is that they would have been appropriate (except for birthmom) to raise the kids and were offered to do so by the County, but all chose not to for their own reasons. It's a strange thing. At the same time that I'm grateful, I also kind of resent their choice to turn their collective backs on her in a weird way. Either way, I honestly don't feel like I owe them anything. As for Girly's birthmom, she's still engaged in the alcohol, drugs and everything that goes with that, so she and I both agreed at the beginning that she would not have visits while she's in that condition. After 6 years, she has expressed that she has no intention of changing her ways, and thus, no visits. We do send her pictures and letters a few times a year, though.

Baby's adoption is open, but we are very much at a crossroads with the issue of visits for many many reasons, most of which are due to safety and alcohol/drugs/prostitution/theft/assault/identity theft/chemical manufacturing/etc. etc. etc. for each and EVERY member of her family. We would never have agreed to visits if we had known this going into the adoption, but we didn't find out until 2 days before we'd actually finalized and Baby had been in our home for 9 months already at that point. We're thinking of doing semi-open from now on with this one, too...with only pictures and letters at certain intervals.

As for medical issues, we got all of the self-reported medical information we could at the very beginning from both families. Unfortunately, there are no identified birthfathers for either of the girls (although we suspect that both birthmoms know who they are). If I thought openness would make a difference in knowledge of their medical history, I'd probably reconsider the semi-open thing, but at this point, semi-open looks like the best option for our fam.

Sorry this is so huge. Can't wait to hear your story!

Love,
Min

Jill said...

Bethany adoption agency has a great discussion forum,and this is a daily topic,with mnay good arguments for both sides,also lots of Birthmoms on their,and people who have chosen open,semi,and closed.As for our opinion,I'm making it up as we go along.It depends on safety,privacy and each case is different.I would probably go for limited semi-open,or closed with us(since were dealing with fostercare and mostly abusive,criminal Birthparents.

PeWee said...

Since we are adopting from foster care, after bparents have signed TPR, I'm assuming our adoption will be close, or semi/minimal open possibly with extended fam.

But, with domestic infant adoption, I think open adoption is good in a lot of ways for the child, especially if the bmom wants it and she has chosen the family and the adoptive family agrees.

IMO there are a lot of benefits for children to have some contact with their bio families. I'm just not sure it can always be done in a healthy productive way for the child.