Wednesday, January 23, 2008

CRAZY WOMAN VENTING

I know this is going to sound crazy. But I can't help it. It's how I feel.
We have waited for this adoption for so long. First, it doesn't seem real, but surreal.
Second, I'm wondering if this is what God wants. I know, a little late to worry about that now. What am I going to do with a 2 yr old? I'm going to have to quite work and I've never stayed home before, so I don't know what I'm going to do with myself or him for that matter. I can never seem to get anything done because he alternates between dragging me around the house and wanting me right there with him. How am I going to structure our days?
Is he going to be the kid with the old mama and daddy when he gets in school. Will we be able to keep up with all the things kids do? Will he resent us for keeping him and not letting him go to a younger couple?
Our life and lifestyle as humble as it is, is about to change forever on Friday. I don't know that I'm ready for it or good enough to be his mama. Did I give the best years of my life to my 3 older kids? with anything left for him?
I know your thinking, idiot, you should have thought of that months ago. and I did. But sometimes LOVE gets in the way of common sense. Then the practical part of living takes over your brain and you start to doubt and wonder.
I feel like a heartless moron because I know my friends out there in blog land have waited and dreamed, planned & PRAYED for what we are about to do. Here I sit with all my doubts and second guessing. I know you want to slap me and say STUPID! and I deserve it, I know.
Please, I ask for your prayers leading up to Friday, for peace, a plan for staying at home with him and this boy's future. He deserves only our very best.
I promise there will be pictures galore on here, so sweet your teeth will hurt come Friday or Sat. at the latest.
Thank you my friends for listening to me vent.

5 comments:

Mindy said...

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have second thoughts or get cold feet when you do foster adoption! Take a breath, let it out, and know that we're all praying for you!

Hugs...can't wait to see the pictures!

Min

Heidi said...

http://ourcountryfamily.blogspot.com/2007/06/yes-but.html

Read that D!!! We all have been there...

Perri said...

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."

Your in my prayers...and I can't wait for the pictures of this little guy who is going to change your life so much......for the better!

PeWee said...

((HUGS)) D, you're only human. The "what was I thinking" is normal. Praying for you!

AfricaBleu said...

It seems only natural that you would have a bit of a freak-out with such a life-changing event on the horizon. Take a deep breath, have some chocolate--it will be all right. You're doing good...